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It has been quite some time since my last entry, for that I am sorry. Out of the ashes of an old relationship sprung a new one, a much different one. Now I am blessed to have an amazing relationship that has such potential and fullfillment. I hope that everyone gets to experaince the perfectness that I have.
I'm pretty excited at the moment. I'm in my last year in High School and I'm about to set off to University and life. So much awaits me, it's just overwhelming sometimes. Well I'll try to keep updating here, but it becomes harder when I have more things to do away from the computer.
domokun heart Mev heart domokun
machmev · Fri Dec 23, 2005 @ 08:27pm · 0 Comments |
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Hola, well, I broke up with Jareth. So life is a little slower now, and a little less happy, but still very awesome. Hockey has started up again which is so great. I missed watching the awesome Flames games during the playoffs two years ago. I can't believe it has been two years since then, feels like less than one. But yeah, school is great, easy, fun. I have a lot more friends this year than the last and I'm more a part of the school. One sad thing is that I probably should have been in marching band, I'm kinda of seeing that now. I get so excited about games and about watching the marching band practice. I absolutely loved band the what...three years I took it (grades 6,7,& 10). Choir will never be that fun, and I don't get as excited about choir concerts as I do about football games, even just going to watch :p. But that was a choice I made and I really have to stick to it now.
University is swiftly approaching. I have to start getting in my applications and get my SATs done. I'm kinda dreading having to make a choice on my future career. I really want to do something that I can enjoy doing for a long time, or else my soul will slowly deteriate. But yeah, big decisions ahead, and I'm getting a little anxious about it. Wish me luck on all that!
-Mev
machmev · Sun Oct 09, 2005 @ 04:50pm · 0 Comments |
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mrgreen You won't believe what I did! I totally went out on a limb and told a guy that I liked him. Now we are dating and I'm growing rather fond of him. So it would seem that my quest to achieve balance in my life has proceeded one step forward. As I walk this strange path laid before my feet I find that with every step I come just a miniscule amount closer to the truth and the knowledge that I seek. At this point I'm trying to see the subtle ways God is helping me. I'm trying to hear His little voice echoing in my soul. I hope even in the hardest times that I will gain come sort of assurance or knowledge that will get me closer to my destination. I think that with this new experiance under my belt, I will be honored with one more layer removed off the thick viel between me and God. I can only hope. mrgreen heart Mev heart mrgreen
update: xd My bf, Jareth, and I have done so much in two weeks...I've gone farther with him than with any other guy in my life! mrgreen sweatdrop I wonder if that's a bad thing... rofl oh well
machmev · Fri Aug 26, 2005 @ 10:03pm · 0 Comments |
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I admit that I've felt bad before, but there was something in his words that will haunt me forever. "You're the one who isn't trying. You're the one who won't give me a second chance."
Could God be punishing me for not giving someone a second chance, for refusing someone who is in dire need of something happy, good, and pure in his life? I can say that I did attempt to reveal to him how exactly torn I am on the topic. But even my words cannot agree enough to create a clear picture. I hate being hopeless, depressed, self-pitying. It is somewhat of a sin in my eyes and I try my best not to do it. But when ever it comes to stupid love and relationships I cannot help but feel lost, lonely, scared, self-doubting and sinful.
Well, I have a funeral to sing at tomorrow morning, so I shouldn't stay up too late greiving for myself in my own sin. Maybe God will forgive me.
sad Mev sad
machmev · Mon Aug 01, 2005 @ 03:04am · 0 Comments |
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Peace be with you, until eternity. You know, most people think that you have to be old, experianced and maybe even crippled to have a sense of wisdom and external/internal peace. Personally, I think that peace can be acheived when one works towards it. Wanting peace is the very first and most important step towards it. I'd say there are a lot of things in my life that are inharmonious and out of place. But I try to keep life simple, not get caught up in the details of it all, which is something adult life seems to be made up of. Children play without a care, a free soul unburdened by the weights of our society. I think we should all experiance this occasionally in our ageing years. We have to remember to smile, to laugh and to love. Without this, we would just grow old and tired of the countless responsibilities and obligations that narrow our vision. Hey, I want to live healthy and active all my life, and I always, always want to be happy. Happiness, and love, which I think is the corner-stone of happiness, are the key to a well-lived life. Don't you agree? All I know is that when I'm feeling down, or I see a friend who's not happy, I am obligated to share my happiness and my love, and to love the world. Why?....Why NOT?!
Live, Love, LAUGH! lol heart mrgreen
machmev · Fri Jun 03, 2005 @ 04:22am · 0 Comments |
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"And now you're back, from outter space." Oh, how I loathe thee; the pain that I so regularily surcome to. These terrible emotions have returned, and now I am in agony! These feelings rack my soul, scraping deeper and deeper with each new pass. I am being mentally flogged with a wooden board elicting a possy of rusty nails. Each wound is deeper, each time more blood flows. Each time it takes longer to heal, leaving a larger scar than before.
And yet it comes so unexpectidly, like stepping on that hidden board with the nails. I've done this before; I've stepped upon that nail that pierces flesh and bone. And yet I forget, I keep walking amongst the boards!
The shock of pain is always followed by self-hate, doubt and memory. Oh such agony is the latter! Now all I wish for is freedom from this pain; freedom from these emotions: free of crushes(love).
-MachMev (Lovesick me)
machmev · Wed May 11, 2005 @ 12:04am · 0 Comments |
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A piercing cry rang out into the bleached hallways, revebrating in the ears of all the cloaked patients. The woman was known to be the nurse of that poor teenager who came in last week. He arrived from the emergency room after a fatal accident involving a paralyzing fall from some ledge.
The doctor rushed by, ruffling the clothing of the patients he passed. In his folder, which he held loosly in his hands, there was a detailed description of how the young boy, Daniel Rink, age 17, had suffered a nervous-chord puncture/fracture just below his 5th vertebrae. (Paralizing everything below his neck)
The doctor burst into the room to see the nurse standing rigid in front of the instruments that detected/analysed Daniel's vital signs. He was dead, as the long line and annoying beep on the screen indicated. The Doctor opened up his file, flipped to the front page and pulled out his pen moarnfully.
"Daniel Rink, pronounced dead at," the doctor paused to look at his wrist watch, "13:00 on April 13th, 2005. Aggie, please send Daniel to the morgue. Since he has no will, and no one has come to claim his body, we will just have to dispose of his body somewhere."
"You can't do this! What if his mother wants him to have a proper bariel? It's the least he deserves, having been robbed of his future! Please!"
"It's standard procedure. The law states that when no indicated gaurdian is present, the government takes over. Okay? Now go on, file his report please."
Daniel Rink's organs were donated finally to a charity, where his organs could save another life. His mother and father were never contacted(the nurse did try) and eventually what was left of his mutated body was thrown into a mass-grave and buried. No ceremony was preformed, just a slightly catchy whistle coming from the man who dug his grave.
Daniel Rink surely deserved better than this. He had succeded amazingly in school, and could perhaps have been the next Einstien. But he never made a will, his parents never made him and living will either, so surgery and the best operations that could have been done, weren't. Do you want this to happen to you? Then as a careing person, I urge you write yourself a will, so you don't end up in a mass grave with not a soul attending your funeral.
-Mev
machmev · Thu Apr 14, 2005 @ 12:10am · 0 Comments |
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Secret, sad, selfishness. Suicide, or just the thought of it, has visited the minds of many. How can young people live in such a prosperous, almost perfect, peacful world and want to take their own life away? There can be no single, direct cause. Rather, there are many causes that affect individuals differently. Generally, the sadness has a seed. The family environment, sometimes a pitiful, torn apart group, has the most effect on a child. Divorce, the hungry tiger below in the pit, is set loose far too often in today's society. What happened to the santicity of marriage? What happened to the meaning behind, 'till death do us part'? Any daughter or son of a divorced couple would agree that divorce ruins the life of all the family, intermediate or not.
I speak of this for a reason. A boy of 17, young and full of potential, took his own life this month. Why did he do it? Does it matter? He's dead! GONE! The pain enters the hearts of all who knew him, and even those who did not. I never met him and still I greive! One thing, one thought comes forth in my mind. "How could he possibly set a good example for his siblings if he killed himself?"
-MachMev
machmev · Mon Apr 11, 2005 @ 04:31pm · 0 Comments |
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Cold determination. Nothing can stop it. A big, black box I have placed upon me so no one can enter. I look out upon my kin and frown within my limitation. I remain an observer.
A pang gongs my heart as I enter. The pale light, the just beyond comfortable temperature, the smart minds already at work I can see. The lone, big, black box stands.
'Punched Left! Punched right! A hook to the head! Ouch! That's gotta hurt!'
Bleeding, wounded to the soul, the black box marches almost at an anxious run out of the room as the bell rings.
Cold determination, the light has dimmed further. Nothing can open it now! Nothing at all! No one shall ever see me.
BOOM! No! I can't stop it! He's opening it! I want to be miserable! LEAVE ME BE!
But I can't help but be in-love.
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-SO?! What do you think? I'm gonna start posting a few of my free style writtings. Enjoy! mrgreen
machmev · Sat Mar 12, 2005 @ 10:18pm · 0 Comments |
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