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Valentines day (originally posted February 3, 2007)
At the moment, there is little chance of me getting a girl around this Valentines Day, as is with all Valentines Days. You see, I am unattractive to a point of comedy, and my personality and interests have the tendency to frighten those weak of heart. In short, I am hated with passion by the majority of Thunderbird Highschool women.

But this year I have a plan.

I have hired a Russian Strongman to do my bidding on that day. He will accompany me to school for the day of Valentines. I have instructed him to come completely shaven and oiled up wearing only the following: A pair of white cuffs, a jet-black thong, a read bowtie, a pair of army issue boots, an elaborately decorated sombrero, and a pair of backless chaps. He will follow me throughout the day singing Latin romantic ballads in my honor in the deepest baritone that the human body can produce. At this point I will become more popular than any other man with the female student body. This is because once a man becomes unavailable, they are instantly more desirable. Do not question my logic, I am a virtuoso of intelligence and you will be struck down with any attempt to find fault in my thought process. During lunch period I will climb upon the shoulders of my eight-foot tall behemoth and parade him through the campus; the student body, both male and female, will marvel at my muscular possession and exclaim "Now that Trevor has enormous Russian body-builders courting him, I feel wildly aroused by the thought of having him". I will politely decline the offerings of sexual pleasures in order to further their desire. And thusly, my dark plan will come to fruition.

Course, I might end up just getting called a f**, but hey, it's worth the risk.

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