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Live from the National Lace-Enhancing Faculty, JaKah, NJ Try our world famous lace!


Kelp-tastic
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Projected Gross Income 2008
National Lace-Enhancing Faculty
JaKah, NJ


We began in 1889, at the dawn of the Victorian Era, when lace was exploding onto the market with all the speed of a steam-powered locomotive. Lace was indeed a beautiful fabric, but delicate nonetheless, requiring great care to be kept in high quality. Most people were not careful with their lace, however, so the National Lace-Enhancing Faculty was founded by George Candless, a prominent businessman in the downtown section of Newark. He headed the small but powerful Brain Wash Company, known for it's controversial tactics of "cleansing" the brains of those who were not blessed with common sense and...whatnot. He commonly was known for funding field trips for the local elementry school-children, accompanying the buses to Pine Woods Camp, where they would learn about his work. Children loved him and his trips, and Candless was commonly known for having an entourage of kids flocking around him. He would usually give them candy. These children eventually grew up to work for him in the Lace-Enhancing Faculty. Common jobs were given out, like secretarial and janitorial jobs. The people who actually enhanced the lace were kept behind closed doors, deep in the factory.
The faculty is still running today but seems to have come across a rought spot. Lace is not a commonly used fabric for clothes any more. It is used more for ornamental tablecloths and heirloom goods, which most people stick in a chest and tuck it away in the attic, only to come out for Thanksgiving dinner or Easter supper. The faculty wishes to change how people see lace and are launching a new advertising campaign, "Lace IS the Future." Our Advertising Committee has been hard at work and the faculty is preparing itslef for a boom in commissions over the next year. We hope to increase our income by 50% by January of 2008.


Try our world famous lace!




 
 
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