Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

Immature and stupid as I may sound after admitting to this, what people say does effect my views on myself.
I really care how I look to others. And hearing, 'ew, that kirlia girl is fat/ugly/has nasty hair/whatever' really upsets me to the point of where in real life, I actually bawl my eyes nearly out.
I try to look good, but people online seem to be fully set on making me, and lots of others, feel like complete trash.
I understand some are joking. Some of it's trolling. Some are jealous bitches on their periods. Some are guys who can't get laid in real, and take it out on girls who they wouldn't stand a chance with. But then again, some are real peoples opinions on me.
I don't go around bragging about much of anything. People like to blow an occasional thread I make about my breasts out of proportion. I don't just post, saying I'm ******** gorgeous, or that my tits are amazing. But that seems to be one of many popular rumors. At worst, I'll post my bra size on rare occasions, and that somehow starts at LEAST a week long trend of faggots going, 'Kirlia thinks she has nice tits/a pretty face, lolno.'
And then the people who say my breasts are saggy/stretch marked. Dear Jesus, how the ******** would you know? I can guarantee, that's a bullshit lie. My tits don't sag more than they should for my size. My tits grew in at an early age, and didn't do it over one summer, like most girls, so don't have stretch marks.
Then the people who say I'm fat/tubbo/fatty/whatever. I'm at most 135 pounds. That's a good size for my age and height. So what, I'm not just bone and skin, which isn't attractive period. I have meat. I have breasts. I have hips. Which lots of people, whether admitting it or not, find attractive/admire. I'm one of them, and am proud of where my fat goes to. But still, like it is for all girls, hearing I'm fat from someone period just depresses the piss out of me. I also do take walks and have a nice diet. I don't eat out at all. I don't overeat. I do try to take care of myself.
And guess what? I've noticed a majority of the girls and guys saying my face isn't attractive are quite revolting looking themselves. I'm not naming names, but have quite a few. I know and hear it more often than not, that my face is gorgeous, I have beautiful eyes, my skin is great, I have a tiny nose, my full cheeks are cute. So what if my hair gets greasy quickly? A bath fixes that. I don't take people telling me my face isn't attractive as seriously as being called fat, because I know I have a nice face. But it does ******** up my selfesteem.

I know, rereading this, I sound like a complete p***y. Like I need to quit taking the internet so seriously. But ******** you, I'm a kid. My selfesteem isn't quite what it should be. And ******** who think it's funny to troll me make it harder on me, being truthful or not.
I just felt like venting my feelings, because in real life, if I talk like this, my mum, boyfriend, or friends would just tell me I'm beautiful and I wouldn't be able to full vent. If I posted this in a forum, I'd be simply told to GTFO. Telling a friend online would just be like talking to a wall, them replying quickly, without fully reading or caring.
I just wish people on here would actually consider my feelings. Because I can say, unless I'm in a horrible mood, or if it's in a scene PYP thread, I won't tell you flat out you're as ugly as I think you are. I consider what others thoughts may be before I voice my opinion, because I know how it feels to just wish you'd die/could be thinner like everyone else/whatever.

TL;DR:
I'm perfect, I'm beautiful, I think you're a ******** for saying otherwise. So STFU heart