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i was reading something and i guess i'll share this to ya.
it's an excerpt from a book i'm currently reading, a real life discussion of a man and his friend.
larry stopped talking. i waited for him to continue, but he didn't. i had been walking in his shoes for hours, listening to an unbelievable story, and now he just stopped.
i asked him "you're not gonna stop now, are ya?"
then i asked him " for one thing, what do your mom and dad think all about this?"
his smile evaporated.
" i still struggle with that. they disapprove of me now, more than ever. mom has done her big rejection number and i've survived it quite well. dad just sits there and listens to her. what else can he do?" he was hurting, but he continued. : the biggest problem is anger, they abused me, emotionally. i'll never get over that. i can live with it, but i'll never forget about it."
i leaned closer to him and asked him: " so what's the answer to the riddle?"
his smile returned.
" it sounds simple, but it's not. when i was a lil boy, i sat on the stairs and decided that i was good for nothing. not that i did bad things, but that was I was bad, nobody told me that i was wrong. all my life, i ran from that lie. i didn't let myself grow up inside.. i didn't let myself feel that anything that i thought might be bad. i did everything i could to prove that i was good..:"
" i worked myself like a crazed animal. i did everything within my power and then to some extent, to try squeeze the devil out of my soul. i spent so much time trying to prove that i was good . i never learned how to be me, just to be who i really am.
"it took the deafening sound of silence to shock me. with no noise around me, i found the courage to face the truth. the devil is not in my soul. i'm good. i spent all those years trying to prove something i didn't have to prove. i am good and the things i feel can be good. i've done some stupid things, but i am okay.
larry was starting to shed tears, and my heart went out to him and i can't help myself but cry too. i said: " what a waste of precious time, that's so sad."
there was no self pity in his eyes, only remorse. "it certainly is."
"what about the fear?" i asked.
"oh it's still there, i still feel afraid, she knows it. sometimes, when she wants to touch me, i get tight inside. i don't want her hand anywhere near me. i'm afraid to let her love me, afraid of the price i have to pay. but in reality, there's no price, it's just a vicious flashback. back to the stair and the decision of convincing that i am bad, and had to pay for. the fear is there, all right. i guess it always will be. the memories burn too deeply. but we handle it. we even get closer together because of the fear.that's the answer to the riddle."
i was caught up in his soul's struggle. "what is?"
"don't you see? it's simple. i don't have to be afraid of fear anymore, i have someone who loves me for the way i am. she wants to share my pain just the way it is. now i'm free, i can be young forever."
 zenith_infinity · Sun Aug 03, 2008 @ 04:44pm · 0 Comments |
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