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"It is with the saddest heart tht we must pass on the following news.

Please join us in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. Poppin' Fresh (the Pillsbury Doughboy), died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and complications from repeated pokes to the belly. He was 39.

Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The gravesite was piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described the Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later llife was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very "smart" cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times, he still, as a crusty old man, was considered a roll model for millions. Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus the bun they had in the oven. He was also survived by his elderly father Pop Tart.

The funeral was held at 350 for about 20 minutes."