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I swear that star
has never been farther away
than it is tonight
I'm sick of wishing
No matter how far I go,
I never move
Chained to the thoughts
I had yesterday
The shape I hate most
is a circle
And the color is
the brown of his eyes
because when you've seen it once
it doesn't go away
The seasons get harder
Difficult winter to painful spring
I don't want to imagine
the coming summer
It's that damn circle again
or maybe a square
my feet following
the beaten trail
carved in the woods of my memory
where it's always raining
Bleach will be my new best friend
and help clean it out,
cause enough brain damage
to keep me from remembering
I'll just throw on something sexy
and go out tonight
because I've got
nothing left to lose
But I'll never stop seeing red
or that chocolate brown
It's just a shame
blue-green's not like that
If I have to remember
I wish he did, too
but dreams don't come true
We're not children
blowing on dandelions
and whispering to ourselves
as the seeds land at our feet
And that star is fleeing
because it wants no part of me
Doesn't want to see
the fog of my breath in the morning
that carries my dying wish
So I swear this is the last time
The last of the lasts
The word sweetheart
will not escape my pen again
and my lips will stay sealed
and untouched as they've ever been
Everything to gain
and I'll gain none of it
I don't need a bullet to kill me
Just a simple word will do
Sure, he never said it
but that brown hides nothing
There is no way
to reanimate the dead
Does he remember
all those little things
the times I wouldn't tell him
why the tears kept coming
He's not going to remember
in a month,
a week, maybe
not even tonight
But tonight
is
the
last
time

So enjoy the victory,
and you know who you are
You'll always have
murder on your hands
though I'm still here
watching the seat
he used to fill
and knowing
it will always be empty to me
Blood pulses through us both
but neither of us really live
My heart never did
synch up with his
Now I finally accept
it never will
I just hope his
keeps beating
for both our sakes