So, I don't even know if anyone is going to see this or not but...I really needed to vent...SOMEWHERE.
I just...I've been so frustrated and stressed that it's hurting my sleep and my health. I've focused on my career for so long that when I finally started talking to someone I really dig and thinkin' maybe I'd have a shot at a semi-normal relationship, I start getting all paranoid that maybe I'm boring or not good enough to fight for or...like...that I fail at trying to have a relationship because I'm just too damn busy.
I try hard to stay in constant contact with the people that I care about but sometimes I just get so caught up in work/errands/life/random happenings that it keeps me from spending more time with old friends I wanna catch up with and new friends I want to know more about and have know more about me.
Like, most of you know that I'm spoken for, now, but like...I feel like my little dropped comments here and there aren't good enough when I can't get a chance to really sit and talk to him and I feel like crying because I get worried that he's lost/losing interest in me when I don't hear from him for a couple of days and I blame myself and my busy schedule for it.
So, I dunno...I just...I fall fast and hard for people I really connect with and I don't want to be setting myself up for disappointment/failure but I WANT to think that just because we don't talk every day doesn't mean it's not going to work because people don't NEED to talk to each other EVERY ********' day but at the same time...when you're still LEARNING about each other, it's hard not getting that contact when things are still in a fragile stage.
So, ugh, I just...don't know. I hate the not knowing. I'm making an effort but I don't want the effort to be in vain. I want to think that he digs me as much as I dig him and is cool with just talking when we can and hanging out...when we can. Y'know? I'm cool with the laid back pace but I can't tell if he is...I can't tell if it's enough...and it friggin' sucks. I know y'all aren't used to me being like this but even confident people have their moments. redface
Sorry for venting...I just...needed to get it out SOMEWHERE even if...no one really reads this piece of crap...
 Jen-Til · Tue Dec 13, 2011 @ 01:36am · 2 Comments |
