'Lo, ev'ryone. Please, please read—well, if you care about my stories in any capacity, that is...
Before I get into it...
Hi, I'm a depressed transmasculine (he/him) wannabe storyteller who uses writing as his medium and am a worldbuilder and writer of over 20 years. I have finished five stories (2 "main", 3 that are parts of larger series) since November 2017.
Despite all of my experience, I suck at writing.
I also suffer greatly from mental illness and disability in the form of severe MDD (going on 17 years diagnosed, baybeee), suicidal ideation, and anxiety on top of some hallucinations...
Life is great. 🙃
Now, to the news...
I was recently hit with the personally devastating info that my dream indie company, Candelabræm Books will...not be coming into being. It CAN'T come into being. The assessment came from a professional in the indie author field I am fortunate to know.
This is on top of a lot of ******** s**t going on "IRL" as the kids say today...
Being told this about Candelabrem...broke my heart. I laughed it off too ******** easily, and it's only really hitting me now. I've been dreaming of my own company for over fifteen years. I was ******** 13. I'm 32 now, goddamn it all.
Look, I...really thought 2025 or at least 2026 would be the year everything came to fruition, but...no. It legitimately won't be happening. In fact, it may never happen at all. Thus, as a bit fat "******** you" to me and to thank my few followers who also had hopes for me in the only way I can think of...
🍂 Starting today, I will get rid of all my tiers. Everywhere. No more subscriptions. Possibly forever and never again. It's ultimately pointless.
🍂 This does mean all 13 chapters of HUMAN, the only story I had under a tier, are free to read for guests and followers alike.
🍂 I will also upload HUMAN onto AO3...at last...
🍂 Inkitt will "soon" see my longest novel at some 150k words, the dark high fantasy inspired by wuxia and shenmo, GOD NOISE. I hope.
🍂 I'm leaving Ream and I'm taking INHUMAN with me. Inkitt kills my motivation enough as it is...
🍂 I will re-upload GOD NOISE (and its series) on Royal Road. Eventually.
🍂 I might re-upload all of The Little Gods series onto Tapas since why the ******** not.
To conclude...
Yes. I am VERY sad and painfully ******** bitter. My long-lived dream is gone—or seems so, legitimately. There's so much going on offline on top of this, I...I don't even know what to do with myself. I can't ******** think.
I just can't believe I was so stupid, so delusional, to think such a huge aspiration would come true for an idiot like me, now that I think about it.
It's a real shot to the head.
Instead, I can only hope I might get some tips now and then... *Glances at tip jar* I'm a starving writer, so...anything helps. Especially since being an iNdIe AuThOr isn't happening anytime in my near future... 🤪
...In the meantime, I'm halting HUMAN's updates since I'm coming close to the last chapters I've done for now...because I realized I left out a chapter entirely...'cause I'm stupid...and no one seems interested in it anyway...
I'm tired, man. I'm just...so tired...
Links
My story links (Inkitt will have ALL of my stories; INHUMAN and HUMAN are available now):
🍂 https://www.inkitt.com/marqaroll
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All my links:
🍂 https://info.marqaroll.com/#links
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Ways to support (if you can):
🍂 https://ko-fi.com/marqaroll
🍂 https://paypal.me/WeavingWords (I still don't know why the damn button says "Pay"...)
Hope your Turkey Day and Black Friday were better than mine. If not, know I deeply empathize. I really, truly do... 🫂
Qaroquine Community Member 
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