|
My life sucks. I'm probably the most stupidest person...no.....creature in the universe! I'm possibly not even human! I'm a nerd who hates the world and is story writing and roleplaying obsessed that I hate myself and wish I could just sleep and never wake up. My friends usually turn out to be emo, and it does affect me so much that I even tried to commit suicide. My sister's a b***h. My Mom's an over protective skitzo who thinks she's a freaking 'psychic' my dad is the only cool one in the family but I hate his girlfriend and I hate how he drinks and probably does drugs. Whatever I do I am always doing something wrong. I am a klutz who constantly falls, and smashes into things including people. I'm always in everyone's way, I'm looked at as someone who can't defend herself, so I am treated as someone who can't defend herself. All my real relatives are dead, aside from my aunt, whom I wish to live with if she wasn't all the way in Vegas. I cannot think correctly, I can't even control my own thoughts. I talk to myself and write to myself, I am insane and need to be sent away to a mental institution, I can't even understand my own feelings while the main characters of my stories shows the missing half of my personality in reality, while I try to avoid being mean as much as possible and than I let myself be pushed around, I fake my own happiness and I can't even find myself. I laugh at people dying. I can't even help it. It can't be funny and it's not. I am a coward. Afraid of nearly everything. I can't make decisions for myself, I am as a child and I am always relying on others because I am too shy to do anything myself. I'm crazy and I believe in things most people don't I get freaked out and think there is a ghost inside my house, and I think when people try to be nice to me they are forcing themselfs. I want to be pushed around, I desire to be hated, I want to be hit, I want to be critisized, I can't draw for s**t, I have no talent. My family is a whole bunch of prejudice people and homophobe's my sister teases me about being bisexual and she doesn't even know that I am. My mom still thinks I'm her sweet little girl who hasn't done anything wrong in her entire life, she believes my grades are great when I am nearly failing every class. In only pains me more when people hug me. I want other people to be happy not myself. I don't want to be rude and I do as they say but I really dislike going over friends houses and visiting friends outside of school, maily I like to be alone and sometimes I need to be isolated, I am extremley weak, even if I tried to defend myself in any given situation it would only bring myself downfall, I do not notice anything, I have a bad memory and ADD, I believe everything people tell me, I have a huge phobia of doctors, even if I wanted to die I'd be too afraid to do it and have asked someone else, I can't get my alone time anymore, I can no longer find peace. I get sharp pain every where, at least once, usually once a day in random places. People tell me my glare creeps them out, they say I have a look like a zombie and it looks like I never see since my eyes are black, my mother used to be a cosmentologist and tries to have me wear make up and put my hair up when I do the opposite she wants, I am not aloud to dress in all black because it's a 'goth' according to my parents, everyone wants me to be prep, in which I despise, I get irritated by people copying me I have strange dreams and practically am still living off them, when I want to cry for myself I can't but only for others, I hate my voice I hate my personality and I wish my best friend cassandra would come back to school. She is homeschooled now but the most important person in the world for me, if she wanted to kill me than she could, if she were gone I wouldn't want to exist anymore this single person is what makes me want to stay alive, in my eyes she is perfection, like a goddess and I look up to her more than anyone. People don't understand me at all and I'll bet if anyone cared of what I had to say, even reading this, they wouldn't get me one bit. Not One Bit at all....
|
Community Member