Well...I am deffinetley a jerk. Sadly I don't care. I hate everyone. I hate everyone. And I say it again. I hate everyone except Cassandra. My friends who are so nice to me. I hate people who are nice to me. They make me feel like less than the dirt I stand on. I want them all to just disappear from my life.
They are perfection. They are flawless. It's unfair. I am born corrupted and they have all the fun. I don't even get what happiness is. It doesn't make sense to me, and when someone says they want to cheer me up I don't get it. Why don't they understand at all?! No one freaking understands me besides Cassandra. She's probably the only one in this world who is my real friend. I'll bet that everyone in my school is a bunch of liars. Like Carianne. How dare she. I hope she dies. And people think I'm joking.
Am I joking? No. I am serious. But she laughs. I use gaia to send her a hate letter today hoping that she will stay out of my sight. Unfortunatley, her being in graphic arts won't be of help. I want to be left alone. That's the only thing I want. I don't want to be happy. I don't want to have fun. I don't want to learn. I don't want to think. I want to take a notepad with infinite papers, and a few pens and pencils with infinite led and infinite ink so I can just write a better person. A better life. I hate myself. Hate. Hate. Hate. I am not joking. I'm so sick of people putting me on stereo types. Me. I'm only talking about me. I am selfish. I don't even like myself, but I can complain about how much I hate myself? Isn't that self-centered? But isn't narcissism liking yourself? I hate myself so that doesn't make any sense.
I want to know the meaning of life. The real one. Not some fake answer like 'live to die' 'experience free will' Well those answers suck. I want this in full detail. I want to figure it out first but don't you have to die to figure this out? And what happens when you die anyway? Nothing? Is it really such a big deal? Did I have a past live? Do people have more than one life? If I did, I must have done something bad in my past life to deserve this. I am flawed. I am complaining. I want to stop. I just want everything to stop. There's never enough time for anything. I can just do things on my own if I had more time but life's are short, and I'm me, which means a mistake. I don't care what peopl think. I talk to myself. I talk to myself, I write to myself on paper?! Do I need to be sent away? I don't need some pathetic help from some stranger or adult or even some human being. I don't understand anything. I'm not going to deal with people anymore. It all comes out now. I Hate Everyone Aside From My One Good Friend Cassandra.
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Life Sucks. This is where I throw my complaints.
This journal is where I through mostly all of my thoughts. I may not make sense. So if you don't want to hear my complaints, go elsewhere. And yes, I am stranger than most people think.
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Kanako_Ayume
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Hawk the hunter
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