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Oook. There are days that change your life and I had one of those yesterday. Novama said he's going to try not to touch me inappropriately anymore and give me the respect I deserve. He and I agreed it feels better to be loving than sexual.

Word to you all out there: there's a difference between 'love' and love. 'Love', as most of you are more familiar to, is the primal urge to have sexual contact because you have a strong attraction to that person of the opposite sex..or same sex, if you run that way. This 'love' is also the love for love. Many people trick themselves into believing they love someone because they want so badly to be in love. Being in love with love is a difficult emotion. 'Love' is a number of things, but it isn't love.

What I feel for that complete fool is deeper than I can begin to describe. I'm so happy with him, I cry randomly. Just today, I've cried four times. I love his family, his church, his love for me.. He's my baby and I want to make him happy. The right way.

Getting here has taken time, patience, heartbreak, hope, trust in him and God, many mistakes on my part and his..and even others, but most of all, will. I knew what I wanted but I took the wrong way to get there. For me, it was harder because I was stupid and young. I still am a bit young. 15.65 years is really young.. It's not that important compared to my stupidity. What I did makes no sense, even to me. I can't begin to explain what I was thinking. It's complicated. He stayed with me. I stayed with him. We need each other now. I've been friends with him for only 9 months and loved him for 5. He's the most important person in my life and I never want to let go.