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Been too long, cause of the tornado of life. |
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So much has happened that has distracted me from EVER going on Gaia.
Firstly i'd like to address the Guild issue. Most likly I will not do anything more to guild, or bring it back up from the ground. Since my activities in Gaia has gone down to simply Forum surfing in Anime, gaming, and soon to be art forums. Main reasons, I actuelly get something out of it. The Guild and RP'ing are not fun anymore to me. So...meh.
So I am in College. That says alot already. Classes with alot of work to do. Trying to balance social life and Classwork. Then there is my small steps of effort to draw. I am always not confident enough to put my work on the internet. I never really feel that my drawings are good enough. It pisses me off seeing so many other drawings that is "seems" to be way beyond me. Of course no artist really says they're the best or reached their limit in skill.....cause you never stop growing.
Envy:
For example of one person that I envy in skill. He is my Age, some of you might know him cause he graced the early presence of Gaia Art Arena as one of the top 10. I knew him WAY before he got his own web site and before he ever gotten to the points where he had his own booth at Japan Town Fair (located in San Francisco).
His name is J-Kun!
He is my age, and I thought that his art is way beyond mines....but I just kind of realize that he merely has a completly different style. Unfortunatly the reason why is popular is because he put himself out there.....where as I just hide my art from so many......cause no confidence.
Yet I did put my s**t up in the last couple of posts before....but those are Big pieces of crap to me. Ifeel my stuff could be WAY better.
One thing I realize that is J-Kun is Ying and I am Yang. We're opposites yet, we relate. Are drawings are different, we definatly have different beliefs. MInes teeter away from his most definatly. His material is funny, while mine is graphic and dark.
That gives me idea that we should collaberate. It be the ultimate!!! *makes notes to himself*
Girlfriend:
Other activities that brings me away is my Girl friend. Not a bad thing, in fact best thing ever. I miss her even though it's been a day. I wish I could be there all the time cause i want to put the relationship to the test. I want to see if I can REALLY stand being with her 24/7. I know there will be times for us when we get irritated......but I want to go through that. It's hard to find times to spend time togather cause she is in High school (senior year) and I am in College. When we have time we sometime just lounge at her house, watch a movie, or do some errands. Which I find funny that errands is better then watching movies. Cause we actuelly get to talk. Where as movies we just watch and talk before and after.
We have been togather for about a year and a half. September is when it is a full year. I actuelly got her a ring that was ment for our anniversary but I gave it to her on Valentines day. So ended up giving her two gifts at once. Personally I don't believe that people should be obligated to give anything on gifts designated on a day. I try to give gifts on random sudden days, just because I want to and I know she would want it. Not because I am socially obligated to.
Parents:
Well, my dad has "problems". These "problems" get in the way. Puts stress on my mom (which is going to college too) and then in turn she stresses me out. My mom is the lazy type, if she is stressed she lets the world crash. She was recently fired, thus felt in-adequete to work. Got the crazy idea to try and get into Hygene cause she is a dental assistant. This will get her higher paying jobs. So the only other income is my Dad, he randomly breaks down from the pressure and uses the money we were saving for the house we were living in. The money was suppose to buy my mom's sister's half of the house to take over the mortgage. My Aunt took out a loan against her half to get a house, thus she is paying two mortgages. She would not be able to handle it to a certain point, so she wanted my parents to buy it off her and such. Since that went down the drain, we were at the brink of losing the house...in fact......we are right now. My mom now feels she cannot make it to get the degree. If she never bothered we might have been able to save the house, but no, my mom did not heed my warning. I told her she would not be able to survive in college. So now we're back at where we were....but worse. The house we're living in is being sold and we don't know what house we can get with the money we're going to get. Mine you, we get only HALF and on top of that we get HEAVILY taxed. So less then half of the worth, thus no chance of getting a house in San Francisco.
This all thanks to my Dad and my Mom. For the lack of saving money. Then there is my little brother. He is not getting the right discipline cause my mom caves in whenever he wines enough. He is constantly getting more candy and toys at the push of my mom's button. Everytime I try to strictly tell him NO he runs to my mom. Since she is already stressed she blames me and yells at me for her stress.
Currently, my dad is back. He is better, my mom is somewhat better and they have plans to get a house. Which means getting a loan, possibly under MY credit. So it worries me, what if this happens again....then I have a loan that I can't pay. Thus making my credit bad. GREAT stare
Extremly current:
Just yesterday it was my friend's B-day. His name is Yosu in Gaia. he turned 20 if I remember correctly. Cause he is older by 3 months compared to me. Just so happens another friend came from LA. So he came with us to see Kung Fu Hustle. It was me Yosu, my gifl friend, MugenKeiji, and my friend from LA. We then went to Bernal Heights (in SF, CA) and my GF took pictures with her camera. It was a beautiful view.
In College I am taking B. Design, and B. Drawing. It is cool, I want to drop College Success cause it's just a waste of time. On top of that I am searching for a job. I am afraid if I get a job that I might mess up. Fear is the mind killer. If I let the fear controll me, I won't get ANYTHING done.
Questions of the Day:
Do you compare yourself to others?
-Is it a positive thing for you or not?
Do you try to balance time out, yet it just does not work out?
What is your opinion about holidays?
-Do you agree with me?
-Why?
Do you get put in bad situations and know who did it?
-What/Would you do about it?
Does fear control you or motivate you?
How was your day?
 taikerr · Tue Apr 26, 2005 @ 10:46am · 3 Comments |
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so anyways. My opinon (whether not you agree) is that basically, holidays are stupid. Mostly Christmas and gift giving ones. We should give fists only ifwe really want to, and it should not be a obligation for us to give gifts.