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so....my friend is moving to georgia, one of the two friends i have that i can actually talk to and that understand where i'm coming from instead of shooting me down right when i say something they don't exactly agree with
i don't see eye to eye with everyone, but i will listen to other's ideas and views rather than discarding them immediately
for example, i know this girl, we are very different
one time, we were talking about the future and she decided to ask me if i was going to drugs and so i said i didn't know, and that if i decided to in the future then i probably would, because it's my choice and with our friendship patterns she'd more than likely be out of the picture so it's not even her decisions, and if i mess up my life, it's my own damn fault and i am willing to take responsibility for my actions, whether it's community service or it goes so serious as jail-time
they're my actions
it's my life
i am one ******** up thirteen year old
i manipulate people to get the information that i want then i drop them like they were never in my life
i can get almost anything out of almost anyone
i say almost because i have yet to meet the entire population and find something that i want from someone
i'm not half as smart as i might seem i am
i've stolen too many things to count
i'm pretty much a compulsive liar
i think i might be falling in love with someone online
which i tell you, sucks major a**
i like to pretend things
i daydream all the time
i rarely listen to my parents
but can you find someone that isn't true for?
i dunno
i'm pretty much a phony, i see my life as one big lie i guess
i talk to my hedgehog
is that at all weird?
i want an obsession
i really really do
i have a ring that i wear and i see it as one of my most prized possessions
but the other day i was willing to replace it in a second because i saw one that was better
i always replace things.....
i'm incredibly insecure
i always wonder what people think of me, no matter how many times i say i don't care, i really do, and i want nothing more than to be accepted
i'm really shy and i hate it
so really i guess i'm saying that i hate what i am
all that is too weird
i wish i was more confident
i'm making an assumption here
the reason i'm online so much is because i'm so shy and i don't warm up to people so easily and i can hardly ever find someone i can really....like....want to get to know i guess
so i come online, hoping for a refuge, hoping for someone that's at least a little like me that i can get to know
i love meeting people online
that's really bad i think
you never know who that person may be, you know?
******** *****
so if i'm this way, that means, i think, there's a pretty chance that everyone else online like i am is this was as well, you get what i mean?
that's kinda funny
don't get me wrong, at parties that i don't know many people at or that i'm trying to show-off at i really show off, i'm all over, making jokes, laughing, making fun of people, dancing
you know, all that stuff
it's really fun
i should do it more
i scare around 40% of the people i meet
seriously
and a good 10% of that are scared because they don't like my uhh...unnaturalalities? i don't think that's a word, neither does the spell check, but more often than not, my hair is some weird color or i have some weird face paint/tattoo on my face that i made with eyeliner (commonly a blue star next to my eye)
i never make good first impressions, i always come off like a slut or a retard
ha! the common american, i am
i feel really bad if i do something mean to someone i barely know
but i'm completely fine with hurting someone i'm close to, like i rarely get upset over that
although, really, the only person i haven't felt guilt towards is the one i mentioned in the beginning, the one that shoots me down whenever she doesn't like what i'm saying
maybe because it's some sort of uhh.....dominance thing? i've gotten into so many fights with her and for some strange reason, she always comes back, and apologizes, okay so, i remember apologizing first once, but all the other times she did it
she always says the same things in her hate mails, "i'm so tired of you always walking all over me, i'm making a stand, i am standing up for myself and i will not apologize first this time" but every single time she has
it's really really annoying, in fact, i've never really liked her, that's the complete truth
i've pretty much despised her from the day i very well met her!
some times she's tolerable
sometimes
but she gets really annoying
really fast
i think that's the only reason i don't feel guilt towards her and i've not cried once in her name
because i hate her more than i've ever hated any human beings
i'm pretty good at tolerating people
i tolerate my parents all the time
but she was once invited to a party with all the incredibly popular girls (which i was friends with for a long time until they decided to spit me out) but apparently they all really like me and i'm really funny
lots of people talk to me, they're all really nice to me.....and the popular ones too, since summer began, they've been nothing but nice to me, it's kinda fun really....i mean.....having such nice people around all the time
but i'll tell you one thing that sucks harder than anything in the world
being the ugliest one in your group of friends
i think i'm kinda ugly, a little pretty--sometimes, but other than that, ugly
and i HATE it when ugly a** bitches go around talking about how pretty they are
like the chick who shoots me down
i don't think she's very pretty at all
she has a huge nose and no boobs
she thinks she's pretty....i don't
she always told me to stop hitting on her
stupid b***h
like i'd ever hit on her
i'm so stupid
what's the point in writing all this
i don't know
i like going back and reading all my stupid teenage problems, they make me laugh, all the stupid journal entries that sounded good when i wrote them but now they just sound stupid and make me sound like a mindless teenager who is incredibly conceited
hmm i guess that's true
i can hardly call myself a teenager though, oh sure puberty hit me when i was about 11 but i'm only 13 now, that's not really a teenager now, is it?
well this will just be yet another in the countless mess of my stupid ramblings
and i'm almost positive i will enjoy re-reading it then laughing at myself
another thing
i hate it when people can't laugh at themselves
and i hate it when people don't have a sense of humor
those people should go die somewhere
i admit, i don't always
but that's mainly when i'm PMSing and that doesn't happen for real very often
meaning yes, i fake it so i can be mean to people xD
i am a horrible person
punish me
wink
 erinus is god · Tue Jul 10, 2007 @ 03:19am · 0 Comments |
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