When our President, Nappi, fell asleep and one of the vice-presidents was crushed under Naps weight and the other vice-president lay on a corner suffering from Emmett withdrawals, I became president of the Twilight fan club.
I went over to the podium and held up the gavel and banged it against the podium to get attention.
"We're starting!" I yelled.
The room became quiet.
"Is there anyone here that has something to say?"
Minari raised her hand. "I do."
Great! Let's see how much my nerves could handle it. "What is it?"
"Why are we calling it the Twilight fan club? I'm not a fan. There are other people that hate the books too."
"Does anyone here hate the books?"
Nobody raised their hands.
"Overruled."
"We could at least discuss the books," she offered again.
"Why would we do that?"
"Because that's what we're here for..."
"We are? I thought it was just for free food." I thought for a moment. "Fine. What do you want to discuss?"
"That I think that Edward has tendencies to act on what he thinks is right, and although he may have good intentions and not know what he's doing, he is still hurting the people he loves, and that is called being abusive."
I thought for a moment. And then I said, "he's a vampire."
She was stumped.
"But-"
"Who here hates Edward?" And you must remember that Car-ma was having Emmett issues at the time.
Nobody raised their hands.
"Overruled. Now can we go on to the eating portion of the meeting? There is cheesecake."
"Cheesecake?" asked Violet, jumping up from her seat on the floor.
"Yes, Violet. Go to the back and get it."
"Whee!" she said and ran off.
"I don't think it's fair that you're taking control like this. In fact, where is the president?"
Ooh, Minari was on to me.
"What are you talking about? I am the president."
"No, you're not."
I banged the gavel against the podium again.
"Hey! I have complete authority over this place, so shut it!"
"No, you don't."
That's it. She got on my last nerve. And what's a girl to do than go over there and, umm.... well I'm not one to fight with my hands....
"What? Are you too scared to throw the first punch?"
I pounced at her and hit her on the cheek.
"You b***h!" she yelled and landed one on my stomach.
I grabbed her hair and pulled.
"Not my hair!!!"
I pulled her to the ground and b***h-slapped her but she kiccked me and I landed on the floor 5 feet away from her. I crawled my way back and twisted her foot while with my feet I kicked at her stomach. She reached up and grabbed my hair.
"Chick fight!" yelled the rest of the gang, though I don't know why they would, they were girls. I guess a fight's a fight and they weren't planning on stopping us. Good. I still had lots of bones to break on this b***h.
There was hair-pulling and clothes-ripping and bone-crunching, but that must have been the sound of popcorn that the girls had prepared to be more entertained. And all of a sudden, the door to the house is opened, the little bell rang and the hottest guy in the world enters. Well, maybe not the hottest, but that's the effect he had on everyone.
"Hey. Is this the Twilight Fan Club?"
The girls stopped watching us and ran to him, but seeing as I was the president, I had to introduce him to my club. But Minari wasn't having any of that.
"He's mine, b***h."
She pulled me by the hair back to the ground while she got up and ran to him but I knocked her down with my feet and got up and raced to him and then she pulled on my leg pants and I couldn't get farther and she got up and we elbowed our way to the new guy.
"Hello," we both said breathless.
"Who's the president?" he asked.
"I am," we both said again.
"I am," I said.
He smiled. A smile that could melt butter. Good. The popcorn wasn't tasting so well.
"Actually, I'm the president."
It was Nappi who said it.
"What? I thought you were asleep."
"Yeah, I was, because of you."
Oops. She figured out that I was the one who put a sleeping potion in her tea. And Kinara was behind her as well.
"Do you know how heavy she is?" asked Kinara, seeing as she had been trapped under Nappi's weight for the last half hour.
"Hey, I'm not that heavy!"
"Yes, you are!"
"What the heck is going on here?" asked Car-ma from behind Kinara. "It seems like I just woke up from a long sleep."
"No, you were just hypnotized into thinking that Emmett had died." A horrible slip of the tongue that was.
"What?"
So now I had the president and both vice-presidents staring at me with evil eyes.
"What did you do to us?"
"Nothing. I didn't do anything to you..."
They walked towards me with an intention to kill. I gulped.
"Hey, leave this girl alone."
It was the guy.
"Who are you?" asked Nappi.
"My name's Jailhouse," he said.
"Thanks for protecting me," I said, now that he was standing between me and the evil ones.
"No problem," he said, flashing me a smile.
The girls will have a field day with this.
"No what seems to be the prob-"
He stopped as soon as he saw her enter the room. He was mesmerized. In total shock. Like he had seen the goddess divine herself.
It was just Violet, back from the kitchen with the cheesecake.
He left from where I was and went towards her. Violet dropped the cheesecake -my delicious cheesecake- and they started making out. Great! No savior for me now. I was stuck with the wrath of the angry officers.
"You will pay for this," said Kinara.
With no way to escape, the grabbed me by my arms and pulled me to a chair where they tied me.
"What are you going to do with me?"
"Just a little torture," said Nappi.
And they took out the most dreaded weapon they could use against me: the book The Wee Free Men by Terry Pratchett. I screamed in agony.
"Nooooo!!!!"
"Yes, you will listen to us read it for punishment for taking over without permission."
But before they could start, I grabbed a tiny bottle from my pocket and with the little amount of movements that my arm was able to do, I sprayed Nappi, Kinara, and Car-ma in the face. It was a sleeping spray and they fell asleep to the ground.
"What?" There were murmurs from everyone else in the house, but I quickly untied myself and went over to spray everyone else. They all fell asleep, but only to wake up five minutes later, with their memories erased from what had happened in the last 30 minutes.
"What's going on?" asked Nappi as she came to.
"We were just about to start talking about that thing that we supposedly talk about... what is it...? Oh, yeah. Twilight," I said, trying to sound as non-chalant as I could.
"What happened?" asked Kinara.
"What? You were just taking naps."
END
Writer's note: I just called it House of Naps cuz that's Nappi's other nickname. And she's the one that created the Twilight thread.
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