Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

................dont know y i even post. barely anyone reads it.

i cant help it. depressing. more to come when everyone gets that email i sent a few hours back............life sucks.

no one likes anything about me. i dont like me. i dont like my looks, except maybe my eyes. not even my hair anymore. its too long, and i cant get cut until summer.......i held a scissors to it today and cut off a few strands befpre i caught myself.

my dad cant stand my handwriting. sure, its messy, but i think its pretty. he thinks that i should sit down in my free time and work on it.

my mom..............should i even get started? i rarely ever complain when i have a load of chores, which no one will help with, even thou i have three siblings who r well capable of doing chores, and on top of that i have homeworsk and projects due. when i complain, she gets all mad at me and starts saying really upsetting stuff.

my sis? she makes fun of me and bosses me around, even thou im older. she's so moody and rarely ever does her chores. and when she does, she complains her heart out. mom never says anything to her.

my bros can be discribed in two words: messy, annoying. then again, all little brothers r annoying..........

me? i'm a disappointment to life itself. i cant cook, draw, keeps secrets well, or even make freinds. im a huge blabber mouth who has been bullied ever since she turned 10. i have a classmate who's always making fun of me. i dont care about ppl saying rude things about me, but today he decided to damn my family. i took it straight to the Dean of Discipline at my school. i had enough of him. really. and what's wrong with liking Anime? not everyone wants top grow up ASAP. even thou alomst everyone wants me to. especially my dad..............

worst part is that after this school year, i'll never get to see any of my friends again. ever. just like Kemi, she moved out of school and pretty much out of my life. we email each other, and rarely talk on the phone, but that's it. i havent seen her in about three years..........great im crying...............i dont want that to happen, especially after i found true friends,a nd these r really hard to come by. i know, it took me 17 years to find them............i dont want that to end. only 19 more school days left..........................after that, im never seeing them again.

its so hard for me to make friends. especially online. half of the ppl on my friend list r my friends from school, my best friend, and Kemi. Beary must be the only one who talks with me all the time. he knows how to make me feel better. but that's the pretty much the only friend online that can cheer me up. well, him and Myro, but they're both rarely ever online. Beary is sick and Myro is in college. hope u get well soon Beary. and good luck on the college finals, Myro; i hear they can be really hard.

i feel so alone at the moment. scratch that, all the time. i know that it's wrong of me to say that, i have lots of friends and a good family, but i feel so alone. especially now. i must deserve it thou. nothing bad happens if u dont deserve it, right? but y do i feel so alone?..........

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life

No one ever lied straight to your face
No one ever stabbed you in the back
You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay
Everybody always gave you what you wanted
Never had to work it was always there
You don't know what it's like, what it's like

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like (what it's like)

To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kicked when you're down
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life
Welcome to my life

heard this song? wlecome to My Life by Simple Plan. well, i can relate. maybe not as bad as him, but yeah, pretty bad. because, if there's one thing i know, it's htat none of my dreams will ever come true. becuase i'm a girl who has overprotective parents who has dreams that r too far-fetched. great.......im crying again. i swear, i told myself that i wont let anyone see me cry because i have to be strong to stand up to them. if ppl see me cry, they'll think im weak and pathetic, and make fun of me. i cant cry, i should stop................no one must see me cry. no one. i dont want to give anyone a reason to make fun of me. im sick and tired of it. i must not cry. i must not cry. i must not cry..................