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Musings of a Crazy Person
Whatever I darn well please, thank you very much.
His name was Jonathan.

Alex visited the town of Blackstone often. She sometimes stayed in the bar, preferring to sleep among mortals rather than in her lonely, if lavish, room in Hell. She had even had flings with some of the townspeople, staying with them until they grew tired of her distance and the fact that she could make no real attachment with them.

This one was different though. He had been sent to Earth to assassinate her, the powerful daughter of the now infamous Satan. He watched her first, spying on her dealings. She knew he was there, but she ignored him, knowing that he would make a move soon enough.

She dealt with many demons and criminals in the forest outside of the town. She protected their passings. However, she also killed many of her own kind for harming mortals that passed through her forest. She would not tolerate senseless killing and Jonathan was stunned at first wondering at a demon that showed compassion.

One night, he followed her to the bar. When she opened the door, even from his place in the shadows across the street, he could hear the enthusiastic greetings she received. She was loved here, the known protector of them all. After a few minutes, he followed, walking into the busy bar with only a few raised glances aimed his way. He made his way to where she sat in the corner of the room. She smiled and offered him a seat.

She watched the people around them, not making any effort to talk first. He stayed quiet for a while too, studying the people who walked around them. Finally, he turned to her.

"Why don't you kill mortals."

Without looking at him, she smiled softly. Her voice was soft when she spoke but strong, holding an authority behind it. "Why should I?"

He raised his hands and shrugged. "Maybe because you're a demon and..."

She turned to him and cut him off. "And all demons are mindless killing machines." She studied him for a moment. "They teach you strange things in Heaven. How do they do it exactly, do they just sit you in front of a screen and brainwash you in mass numbers?"

He furrowed his brow and his eyes darkened in irritation. "No, we stay in a school for a while until we are ten at which point we are taken up by a mentor. My mentor was the archangel Michael. Maybe you've heard of him."

Her eyes narrowed at the name and her jaw clenched in anger. She calmed herself before she spoke though and when she did her voice seemed to carry a threat. "Be careful who you trust. The mentor who you seem to admire so much killed an angel and left her in a pool of her own blood."
She allowed the sentence to sink in and she saw his expression soften as he realized what it meant. He was about to speak, but she spoke first.

"Not all demons kill mindlessly, only the stupid ones. The best way to rule is to have the people love you not to have them fear you. You see if they love you, they will follow you even at the expense of their own lives, sometimes even after your death. Your memory is enough to keep them loyal to you. If they only listen because they fear you, the moment you're dead the threat is gone and all loyalty is gone. Mortals are all the same in that way. It is worth the effort to make them love you. Demons, however, are different. They love no one and they can only be ruled by fear. I try to utilize the best tactics in order to keep power in a world that looks down at me either because I am evil, as in this realm, or because I am not evil enough, as it is in hell."

As she finished, he stared at her for a moment, staring into her dark brown eyes to see if he had the wrong person. He had always been told that demons were ruthless murderers and that she was the worst of all. In that moment he decided to find the truth of both stories. They sat for hours in that bar, talking of their worlds and laying bare their own truths. He found himself wanting to talk to her more.

She decided that he was trustworthy and sincere about discovering the truth and she agreed to meet him again.

They met many times, always on Earth and always in secret. She knew no matter how high up she was and how much respect she commanded, she would lost it all if they found out that she was talking with an angel. They talked every day for three months until all their stories were told. One day, she took him to the waterfall, sitting with him on the very spot where she had once sat with mother. He looked out at the scene and his breath caught in his chest. The silence was comfortable as they sat there in hte night, staring out at the stars and the full moon glinting off of the water. "

He carefully touched his hand to hers where it layed on the stone. She turned to him and smiled softly. He spoke quietly, not wanting ot mar the perfect scene with harsh words.

"I hope that you're wrong."

"About what?" She asked, not looking at him, instead mesmerized by the scene before her.

"You said that demons couldn't love." He looked up at her, his eyes holding a silent plea.

She dropped her eyes for a moment, not able to look him in the eye as he spoke. He, however, continued to look at her.

"I love you Alex, I know I'm not supposed to but, I do and I'm tired of not telling you. I lie awake at night wishing that you knew, wishing that you felt the same way. I can't live off my hopes anymore, though. I need to know. If you don't feel the same way, I understand." At this he dropped his eyes, not wanting her to see him cry.

She furrowed her brow and looked up at the moon desperately. She stood up and turned away from him, pacing on the rock. He stood as well, following her with his eyes. Finally, he grabbed her arm gently, turning her to him. She lifted her eyes to look at him and she wasn't even aware of the tears that flowed down her face. He stepped to her and held her face in his hands, his warm touch against her soft skin. He wiped the trails away with the pads of his thumbs, gently grazing her warm skin.

She closed her eyes at his touch and lifter her hands to touch his wrists, making sure that this was real, that she wasn't dreaming again. When she opened her eyes again, he was closer, his forehead rested against her own and she could feel his sweet breath against her skin. She looked into his eyes, amazed at how gentle the expression there was. She leaned her head forward slowly, wanting so desperately to close the space that had haunted her for so many long weeks in her fevered dreams.

He did the same and their lips met softly, warm skin against warm skin, meeting in a gentle kiss as the stars twisted in the Heavens above them. She pushed her body to his, desperate to touch him with as much of her skin as she could. He held her tightly and she never wanted him to let go. She was safe for the first time since her mother had died and she never wanted to leave it. Their kisses soon lost their innocence as they tried to express the desire they felt. She stopped suddenly though, pushing him away to prevent herself from touching him again.

"No, no, no, we can't do this. Damn it Jonathan this won't work."

He tried to step towards her, wanting to hold her in his arms again, then everything would be alright again, the world would fit together. She stepped away though, crossing her arms in front of her.

"Why" his voice was soft and his question held innocence like a child asking why death had to exist. Tears crisscrossed down his own cheeks as he watched her rock back and forth softly.

She looked back up at him, tears dripping down from her eyes. "Because if I love you, you're going to be killed. I can't do that. I can't lose you. Please."

He clenched his fists tightly, cutting small crescents in his palm with his nails. "I know. I know, but I can't erase my feelings. I didn't plan to feel like this. I never thought I would I mean, neither of us are supposed to love."

She laughed softly. "I guess that they were all wrong then."

She stared at him, siloheutted against the moon. She had messed up, but there was no going back. She finally relaxed her arms, knowing that she couldn't fight this. She stepped towards him, giving in to the safety of his arms. He sighed as he held her tight, never wanting to let go.

She shut her eyes tightly as she clutched to him desperately. She knew how it was to lose someone and she would not take this for granted. She would hide as long as she could, but she would not leave him. Her mother wouldn't give up love and neither would she.

Thoughts raced through her mind. She had found someone to take care of her. She had found someone to talk to, someone to hold her when she wanted to cry, someone to dream with. She had made her most glorious mistake. She had fallen in love.





 
 
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