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I've noticed a similar trend in youth in various parts of the country. Each at one point feel that other towns, communities, areas, and the like are all better than there’s. They always talk about getting out as if their hometown was evil or holding them back in the obvious greatness their lives have potential for.
But what happens when you move to another area. Then meet the people there? Before talking to them you're like "This is great!" But as soon as you get to know people. You hear the exact same complaints that plagued you or those close to you. "This town is a dump, I'm not going to be a loser and live here all my life!" They proclaim in that fight the man tone. Sound familiar? It's like that in every where. No matter where you're moving. You're just essentially moving the problem. A friend once told me their town wasn't for everyone.
I feel that statement to be untrue in a way. A town or city IS for everyone. It's not a physical place that makes something good or bad. You can move all over the world and find we all share the same or similar problems. It's the people that inhabit the area that makes the town. It's how you look at life, it's what you make of it.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not placing myself on a pedestal. I'm not preaching as if I've done no wrong. I've made those mistakes. I know oh to well how wrong you can be in assuming that moving will make you happy. If the people you're moving to aren't good. You might as well stay put.
I'm perhaps one of the worst out there when it came to this. I fell for a girl online. It was just about college time for me and I had always talked about going. But what do I end up doing after high school? Working at a place I hated so I could spend every paycheck in visiting that girl. Screw moving forward with my life. I'm going to devote everything to this person! She says we'll get married one day. But it'll be after she's 25. "No problem!" I say, "I'll wait forever and give up everything!"
I'm a douche bag. I nearly broke up friendships so I could go. I was nearly mean to my parents. I let myself get angry at the town around me. As if moving to another city for a girl would help me. Perhaps it would have, if she had been a good person in the end. But that's irrelevant now. I can't make others be mature. I can never teach someone the concept of effort and money. I can't show anyone how that was all for love, and I didn't even think about it being weird until my heart was thrown on the floor and I found myself so angry I could tell her parents all the things I shouldn't.
But in all honesty looking back at it all? I'm glad this has happened. My return was never equal to my effort. I always longed for her to stay up until 3AM when he had to work and do her poetry homework for me. Or hell just do something other than say "I love you." to think I was going to wait 7 MORE YEARS like this. Completely having my life on hold, devoted to someone I only really started dating because she was crying online about what my friend nick did. Gawh, she wasn't even my first choice! I liked the other girl! What the hell is wrong with me!?
So I'm glad, I can do what I truly want. See, recently I took a visit back to my hometown. I saw my friends, and my family. How was it? I've never been that ******** happy in months. Even way before this happened to me. Why? It was just like old times before her. The last few times when I went back. She was with me. What's the difference? We always had to go out and do something. We always had to go out and eat someplace. She'd get restless and only be happy if I was spending money. My friends and family aren't super rich. So when she was with me. They wouldn't want to be around.
I'd always get in arguments with friends about going into town and eating someplace. They'd just want to stay and eat the food in the house. She'd only be happy if it was from a fast food place or something.
But this time? We were able to just hang out. Good places when WE wanted to. We were able to have fun on our own budget, and not have to put in extra money to live up to what she was used to. It's just the entire four days I was there was great. What exactly did I do?
On Friday I arrived, at about midnight. We drove from the airport. My parents and I went home. We talked the whole way. Oh they bought me a Casey’s pizza to eat on the ride home. Since we don't have that chain down south it was a treat.
Saturday morning I got up and talked with everyone. I hung out with my little brother who is almost 16 now. We played guitar hero 3. That evening I saw Jacob again. The pretty much greatest friend I'll ever find. I was a horrible friend for leaving when he didn't want me to go. I'm sorry, Jake. sad
We went to a sushi bar and sat around talking. His girlfriend, and her friend mallorie was with us. I had a dynamite roll, it was delicious. Though the Philly roll I ordered wasn't to my liking.
Afterwards we hung out and I believe rode go carts. The days actually blended together for me. As I only got a few hours of sleep each night. Sunday I spent all day with my family. Talking and playing guitar hero. My mom is surprisingly good. Oh, I also finally ate REAL homemade food. I haven't had it in ages! Not to sound like Billy Madison (Adam Sandlier movie) but stay home! Stay as long as you can! Don't ever leave!
Sunday night at about 11ish I went to Jacobs and watched Planet Tower. His girlfriend and her friend was with us again. I ended up sleeping over there. We didn't go to sleep until about 3am. But I woke up at about 7AM due to the sun and mallorie throwing pillows.
Monday afternoon was spent with Jacobs Girlfriend and her friend. As he had to go to class. We rode around, walked through a park ate at a girly bakery, then Hannah had to go to work. So it was just me riding around with her friend until 4 o'clock when Jacob got out of class. From their there was much hanging out and watching heroes. I then went back to my parents house, and Jake and I played DDR until about midnight.
Tuesday it was just me and my family. As I left that day at 4PM. I'm now back at my apartment in Cookeville. Though I'm fueled with an even bigger desire to get back. My family really, really missed me. My friend Jacob really needs me back as he's going through a depression of sorts. Heh, can't say I'm not doing the same. It's never good when even the hint of suicide ever crosses your mind at all.
I'm thinking of just quitting my job if this keeps up. I'm trying to transfer but don't want to be here forever. The people in this town are alright. But coming back for even a brief period of time. I was reminded at what being "happy" really feels like. I've been fooling myself for a while now and I need to change it.
So in short? Don't ever feel you can move away and be happy. A change of scenery is nothing, unless you have good people to look at it with. Don't ever forget your roots. Oh, and thank your mom for the home cooking. You'll truly appreciate it when you begin living on a diet of fast food and frozen TV dinners. Oh how I missed moms homemade cookies! T____T;;;
~DJ Bothwell
 XDvandalDJ · Thu Nov 08, 2007 @ 05:26pm · 6 Comments |
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