GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:

01] No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

02] When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.

03] If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.

04] Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.

05] You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

06] Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.

07] Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.

08] You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

09] Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.

10] The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.


GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:

01] Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O to a tree.

02] Wrinkles don' t hurt.

03] Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with a few nuts.

04] Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.

05] Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.

06] Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.


GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:

01] Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.

02] Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.

03] When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.

04] You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.

05] It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

06] Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.

07] Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.


THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:

01] You believe in Santa Claus.

02] You don't believe in Santa Claus.

03] You are Santa Claus.

04] You look like Santa Claus.