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There was the buzzer. It was possibly the most irritating sound Cece had ever heard in her entire life, but it did its job well.
Dear whoever,
My alarm rings at six-thirty every morning, and I can’t help but dread what the day holds. My feet are freezing even though the space heater is on high, and I have a dog at the foot of my bed that attends to my every need.
The pounding in her head indicated that today it was rather dreary outside. Gray, overcast, whatever the meteorologist on the eleven o’clock news decided to call it. Regardless, he was wrong about the sunshine that was apparently supposed to accompany the crisp fall weather. She had been hearing about it all last week. But she soon learned that the damn weather man was never right…At least on the station Cece and Ha-Neul tuned in to on a regular basis.
Senai lifted his broad head from its snoozing position as Cece swung her feet onto the cold floor, her hand reaching out naturally to stroke the dog behind his large, pointy ears, which, from the touch, quivered with alertness and patience as his master found her way around her room to dress.
It’s amazing how intelligent mammals are. Yet even after having my darling Senai to myself for the past six months, I feel he is almost as restricting as my brother. I understand that a seeing eye canine is assigned to a blind for the safety of their master, as well as everyone else. But I had adapted the last four years, and thought I was doing just fine on my own. But living with Ha-Neul, he was insistent that I have Senai with me whenever I should be by myself…And recently, that seems to be a lot.
Ha-Neul had rushed out the door before Cece even had time to put her feet on the floor. Today she had no problem ignoring this...But recently it seemed Ha-Neul was trying to avoid her, as Cece had made it customary to ask how work was going and what his job entailed. The most she had ever gotten out of him, after a rather noisy quarrel and several flying punches was ”It’s a job that will help me protect you.” As if he wasn’t impeding on her independence already…
My brother is like the smoke that emits from the tip of his cigarette. He’s here, but he disappears into thin air on a regular basis. When he’s home, it’s merely to eat and sleep. I see him hardly ten minutes every morning when he annihilates his breakfast and heads out the door, then hear him come back in the middle of the night while I’m trying to sleep. And mind you, I use ‘see’ as a horribly bitter metaphor. For a brother who’s so keen on protecting his blind, sensitive, and fragile sister, he has yet to prove to me whether or not he is truly capable of committing to such a laborious task. He can’t even take care of himself.
Grey days tended to kill Cece’s appetite for breakfast, nor was she in a spectacular mood to start. The previous night had been the twins’ 21st birthday, and should have been one of the most memorable celebrations of her life, sight or not. But Ha-Neul ******** up everything. It was nearly two in the morning when he returned from ‘work’, and positively wreaked of booze. Cece was not at all thrilled with the idea of her brother leaving her at the apartment, with Senai and a television as her only company on such a special occasion, let alone getting smashed with an anonymous group of people. His return home began as an argument, but escalated into an all-out brawl.
”Everything I work for is to protect you, Cece! Why can’t you just accept that, and drop it from there?” This was always Ha-Neul’s argument…Always. And it would never be enough to convince her that whatever he was doing was right…Not after he came home like that. It was scary, and it disgusted every cell in her body.
”But what are you doing to protect me, Ha-Neul? You’re never around to prove me that you’re doing anything worth while, so quit wasting my god damned time with all of your stupid lectures about how dangerous it is to do this or that, especially if you’re going to be a hypocrite.”
”Cece, I can’t tell you anything! It’s all for your own go—“
”Oh, get the ******** over yourself, Ha-Neul. You know damn well I’m capable of taking care of myself, and that I don’t keep any secrets from you. And don’t you dare tell me that I don’t have any secrets to keep. That’s the whole ******** point I’m trying to get across to you.
”But—“
”LET IT GO, DAMNIT! I’m done fighting with you about this! Just leave me the ******** alone!”
Reviewing the previous hours wrenched at Cece’s weary heart, and she felt color boil in her cheeks. She hated fighting with her brother. He was the only friend she had, other than her dog.
Senai had retrieved a pair of socks and her walking shoes as she finished buttoning up her coat and wrapping her scarf about her neck. Taking a walk through the park down the street would help clear her head, and she loved the crisp autumn air, despite the pressure from the incoming clouds. The wind whipped in her face, cold, dry, yet refreshing with the scent of the changing leaves. Thankfully her sight had stayed with her long enough for her to imagine the vivid reds and oranges of the leaves crunching beneath her feet.
Despite the bustling of the city, the atmosphere around her was so quiet. It was almost too intense for Cece to sit still at the bench Senai had led her to. A sharp pain cascaded down her spine as she leaned against the back of the bench. She had forgotten how many bruises she had left and received. It was terrifying to realize how dangerous she was to her brother…Dangerous enough that he had thrown her onto the floor, pining her hands and feet so she could no longer kick and punch in retaliation to her brother’s wasted shouts and repetitive ‘explanations’. Beating some sense into Ha-Neul wasn’t what Cece necessarily had in mind; she was simply frightened and angry with her drunken, irritable brother. As they fought, she could feel him closing in on her, and felt the need to protect herself…Even if it was Ha-Neul.
But feeling that pain in her back, the pain that indicated that she had taken the argument a step too far brought tears to her eyes. Cece felt the silence of the park close in on her as she choked, crying in embarrassment with Senai’s head on her lap. She was so tired of all of this nonsense…
I just wish Ha-Neul wouldn’t keep any more secrets from me…
Sincerely,
Cece.
 Kabuki Doll · Mon Dec 03, 2007 @ 03:55am · 0 Comments |
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