This is the place where I am supposed to be the safest but sometimes I feel like I'm always on trial. I'm always the one doing bad things. I'm always the bad guy and need to be punished.
Sounds kinda kinky huh?
Well, thats totally not what I'm talking about. Stephen and I are both head strong, controlling [although he is a LOT more then I am], and stubborn. He has to be in charge and always has to be right. At times I think he just is mad at me because i'm mad and him and doesn't want to be out done. I also I he argues with me just to argue and make me crazy because he can! He can never be in the red, he can never be wrong. I think he thinks on his feet and comes up with something to twist to keep him in the right.
Its just a basket of laundry, but it almost turned into a huge thing. I stopped myself though, he pokes the bull until it charges. The basket was full of clean clothes, I found Stephen's dirty clothes in the clean clothes. I a comment about it. He said it was all dirty. I knew it was all clean. He said, she said blah blah blah. He said something like I put the clean clothes on the floor or something like that. This that and the other thing. He starts saying things that he and I both know are going to set me off. Why can't he just accept that he was wrong? All the clothes in the basket are clean except the ones he put in there!
Why must he always be perfect and I always have to be the one saying sorry, saying I need to fix this about me. I always have to be the bad guy! Always~! This is supposed to be the place where I can clear my head and get myself together but it just throws more s**t at me.
"Just talk to him about it." You thinking something like that?
I CAN'T!
Remember when I said he says he's mad at because I'm mad at him. When I finally tell him whats on my mine. He starts to act strange. I ask him if he's mad at me, he comes back with sort of and I get this lame brain reason. Its the stupidest things too! The last time it was because I put the clothes in the washer but didn't put them in the dryer and the clothes from the dryer I didn't hang up.
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What the hell is that?!
When we decided to move in together we agreed that I would do the cleaning if he did the cooking. The thing is! He rarely cooks lately! Josh, Kyle, and Jenki are over pretty much everyday! Don't get me wrong, I love it! But when they come over, he doesn't cook. We generally eat out, so he's off the hook. Then on my end, I have to not only clean up after him and I. Add three people to that, I have to now clean up after five people. Everyday! I got to work from 9:30 am to 7:00pm most days [travel time included] Then I have to come home and clean the whole apartment. I'm gone for almost 12 hours then I have to come home and clean!? ******** THAT! When he has class from 12 to 3 then does homework until 8 with his friends, gets food with his friends, and what else he does. While I work my a** off at Microsoft's Cafe being a barista, cleaning, stocking, cashiering, taking out garbage, and doing whatever miscellaneous s**t they have me do. I really feel like I do more then him.
I do admit that I don't come home and clean everyday, I'm tired after work and I would like a break sometime. I straighten up a little during the week but I do the bulk of my cleaning on the weekend when I have a whole day to do whatever I want so I can clean. Whats so wrong with that?
I know he pays the bills and everything, but the money comes from his parents.
I.. I just don't know. I can't tell him again or he will get mad that I haven't taken the garbage out yet. I don't think he fully understand or listens to what I say sometimes just from the answers he gives me. He's going to have to get used to living with someone he loves.
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