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What the ******** was I thinking?
What the ********. It's like Alicia in Neverland up in this b***h... but without the raep. I hope...
Acid Memories... what a blueball.
Ok, so I FINALLY met someone else!

But, my usual curse takes hold once again. Mother ********.

Her name was Hope. At least I didn't have to kill her, though. She was nice, pretty cool. There was something about her... she kind of had the same cynical humor that I do. It was nice talking to someone else for once.

Alright, I'm just kind of loitering in this square, right? This girl just comes lolling up to me, I just stare at her. She doesn't say a word... she looked normal enough. Then, this other girl just starts booting her a** by me. I'm like "WHAT THE ********!?" and start running, too. In my experience, when someone starts running... don't question it then run. Question it while you run. Either way, you start booting a**, too.

I finally caught up to her after screaming for her to wait for like... five minutes. She finally slows down and stops. YES. Someone else! Ahaha!! I asked her why she was running. "LeeAnne." she replies. Wtf, right? Anyway, she explains to me that LeeAnne is a zombie. That girl that just lolled up to me before was a ******** ZOMBIE. How... she looked so normal!

Hope had a good point, though. I noted how I didn't smell anything. It's winter now... they're not decomposing as fast. Mother ********. I'm going to really have to be on my guard now. Constantly. No sleep for me for the next few days... Even with the door barricaded, I'm not comfortable in this place. I'll probably just end up passing out from exhaustion like last time.

We got to talking, she asked if I was here for the outbreak. Obviously, no. I don't even know where "Here" is. I've just been calling it Hellview. She told me some crazy s**t about where she was before, but we'll get into that later.

I asked her where some food was, as the last thing I ate was some... ******** if I know. Freeze dried s**t in some government package. It tasted enough like food... and I'm not dead yet, so I guess that worked out ok for me. Anyway, she says there's sausage and cucumber in the house she barricaded. The only way in is a window... ********' fine by me! Sausage!? Cucumber!? REAL ********' FOOD!? Sonofabitch, I'm down with that.

....We get to this area... and it's like she just ********' disappears. I went into the house that it looked like she went in... nobody was there. Nobody was ******** there. I wandered around for about an hour looking for her before finally giving up. What a mother ******** blueball. I just ended up picking flowers and eating the petals off of them. You'd be surprised at how you get used to the taste.

...Then I realized it was winter. (My arms and face have gone numb from the cold already. I'm going to have to find some sort of jacket somewhere...) What the ******** are flowers doing growing in the middle of WINTER!? ...I hope there wasn't something strange and mutatedly wrong with them. Zombie flowers wtf? Well... I feel fine now. I guess we'll find out in a while, huh?



Alright, back to where we came from. Literally. She spoke about her and some others having been in a completely different place before. ...Some horrible place with mind hacking furries and robots. What the ********!? Mind hacking!? I'll take the ********' zombies, thanks. That's one of my biggest fears, you know.

I had almost forgotten that I used to be somewhere else, too. God damn, that place was weird. I thought it looked so much different... it was so much different, but I didn't really connect that it could be a completely different place. Hell, I didn't even know that neither weren't my world. I figured something had gone awful very wrong with the world. Is it something we made? Is it something we ate? Is it something... we drank--Hi, I'm Dezzie, I'm faaalling... Doooooowwnnn and---Ok, that's enough Regina Spektor references. (Don't look at me like that. It's a Regina Spektor song! God, don't you know anything!? Lacrimosa, if you were wondering.)

A lot of this makes me wonder if we all come from the same world originally, or if we're all different equivalents of the same species, but from different worlds? Or maybe we're just different species in the first place, but look alike!? What the ********, man. This is confusing as s**t...

Anyway, back to what I was saying. Before, I was in some ******** up place where shadows were alive. Other than the living shadow part, it was bad-a**. I really loved it there! Everything seemed like old-school England. Cobble stoned streets, pubs everywhere, drunken children littering the streets... It was great.
Well, it was great before I stumbled into a pub, that is. They all just glared at me. They looked so ******** mean... Everyone was so god damn mean. It wasn't until later on that I found out... they had to be.

I go to the bar and sit down. Nobody's at the bar. In fact, everyone is as far from the bar as possible. The woman at the bar seemed so nice... She didn't judge me or anything. "Sweety, what would you like to drink?" This was a huge relief to me... at the time. She offered me a room and fed me for the day. ...I guess you could say that was a day. I thought it was night, but when night actually came... Darker than Black is a nice anime, but it's a better description for the atmosphere of this hellhole.

When she was setting me up for the night is when all hell broke loose. Her name was Marietta, and she was beautiful. She had the most calm, soothing voice that I have ever heard. Her hair was long and curly. Perfect curls--not like mine. It was blond, lighter than mine. She had the saddest eyes I've ever seen, sparkling brown. I've never seen anyone with blond hair and brown eyes before, but they were so light.. almost golden. Tan, but less of a dull color. Everything about her seemed so happy except for her eyes. This is the tragedy of a kind soul.

As I stood there, she turned to me. She was crying. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." She just kept repeating it. Her voice was as sweet as ever, and the most melancholy thing I've ever heard in my life. She was the most sincere person I've ever met. When you heard her say she was sorry, you knew she meant it. The most ironic part of all of this, though... it was that very most sincerest heart that made her have to say she was sorry every time someone got close to her. Her shadow stood on the wall beside her. All I payed attention to was how the candle flickered, but her shadow didn't. The next thing I knew, the ******** was coming at me full force. WHAT. THE. ********. Right? I was scared as s**t. All I could do was stammer and fall backwards into the door. I was too scared to even scream.

However, it was this very cowardliness that saved my ********' a**. My shadow just launches at it and starts tearing the ******** out of the sonofabitch. There was this strange goopy s**t coming out of it. I assumed it was blood. I just watched in horror and amazement before I realized that Marietta was screaming. I looked over at her... she was doubled over, crying. It looked like she started to convulse, honestly. By the time I came to my senses, she was on her back. I thought as fast as I could. I used what little bit of logic I could apply here. I got the candle and tried to position it at her feet--where the shadow seemed most attached--but nothing. It was the blackest thing I've ever seen. Light wouldn't penetrate it.

There is no fairy-tale ending here. There would be no "I'll save you by burning your shadow off with light!" There was no time. I had no time.

Marietta didn't speak. She only laid there. Blood was starting to come from her mouth. There was a horrible noise going on behind us--my shadow was still ripping hers apart. It didn't seem like it would ever die. I was slowly killing the most beautiful woman I had ever known.

So, I did the only thing I could. I took a steak knife from the food she took the time to prepared for me so sweetly... and I sliced her throat with it.

She didn't spray blood. It just kind of seeped from her neck. I guess I didn't cut deep enough... but she didn't gag, either. She didn't do anything but lay there lifelessly. Even in death, she was the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.

I just backed away from her. Her shadow didn't die, though. It just seemed like it was trying to get away from the lifeless body it was tethered to. It was pathetic.

I realized later why everyone else was so mean. They had to be. It was their humility to be mean. In this world, your shadow is everything that you are not. It's your opposite. They're mean, so their shadows are docile and sweet. When I was a coward, my shadow was brave. Either way, it's all just to save our asses. It's a really ******** up world.

She was so ******** beautiful.




...I was so jealous.





 
 
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