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The voices came back tonight.
When no one was there.
I know I shall not sleep, so I shall write.
How can existing like this even be considered fair?
I know who I am.
I am Kat.
And I am Lara.
And I am Jessica.
And I am Nikki.
And I am Ben.
And I am Sarah.
And I am Kate.
And I am Lydia.
And I am the very butcher of this poor girl's mind. I am her huntress, and her abuser. I am Katta.
No...
No, none of you exist.
But why do I hear your voices louder than any other sound?!
That blade... It's becoming harder and harder to resist.
"That's right you slut, keep taking the pills, keep hoping that your mental tribulations will drown."
No... None of you...
None of you...
Are me.
We are a fraction of you.
We each make up a separate part of you.
Without us you would not have known what to do.
No...
I won't let it happen again.
I have a reason to go on.
A reason to push through...
And that reason is you L--
"Liar,
Is what she means to say.
Eventually she will hate you.
Just watch, you'll wake one day.
Possibly hear it from her friend,
Yes, dear Lauren, she created her own end.
Why bother to save her?
There is nothing any of you can do."
No...
I...
Am...
Still...
Here...
"So are we."
The voices haunt my dreams.
I either wake in a cold sweat,
Or find that my room is far more terrifying than it seems.
"Well she might as well listen to our threat."
No...
I won't...
I can't...
I won't...
This.
Is.
Not.
My.
End.
"Listen to yourself,
She was your only true friend.
Give up.
Pick up the blade.
Show your last bit of courage before you say something that might offend."
No...
I won't let you do this.
You don't exist.
I exist...
I feel.
I see.
I touch.
I cry.
I breathe.
"She fell in love with me,
Not you.
You have no idea now what to do.
You should have just let us take you.
Should have pushed her away.
Should have known that eventually it will be your day."
No...
Today is not my day.
There is always another way...
"You want to believe that don't you?
You are now and will forever be
A pathetic. ********. slut."
I am myself.
I am not a coward.
I am no longer running.
I'm waiting.
There is a difference.
"You're waiting because you know she will never come back.
You know you will never taste those lips again.
You know she despised touching your disgusting body."
No...
I know the truth.
I believe her,
Not any of you.
She exists,
The same way as I do.
"So then,
Mighty warrior, does she know about us?
All of us?"
I...
Tried to tell her,
But we just couldn't-
"There was no couldn't you moron.
I saw the sickened gaze in her eyes.
I saw the message through all her lies.
She will soon give up on you too.
There is no reason for you to keep going on."
No...
If she wanted to use me then,
She would have.
Those are not her intentions.
She is not a monster from your detentions.
I will live,
I shall breathe.
My will shall not let it's sway give.
My soul shall not in the fire of regret seethe.
I made a vow,
So do you know what that means now?
I swore to remain here for her,
Which has given me my own brand of strength.
Against which none of you have the stamina to bequeath.
"Stop lying you dolt,
She doesn't love you.
She loves me."
"Why bother to continue if all you're going to do...
Is die in the end."
"You know you aren't this strong.
You remember what happened 2 years ago...
Has it truly been that long?"
"My sister is stronger than you.
She will overthrow your will too."
"I told you before,
Unless you love only yourself,
Trust only you.
You are nothing more...
Than a common whore."
"Let her go.
She wouldn't even know.
She isn't coming back.
Your whole world will soon go black."
"That promise was lie.
She just didn't want to watch you cry."
"Welcome the anger back,
Take the beautiful silver off the shelf and hack.
Hack at the voices.
Hack at the pain.
Make it all go away.
Give it a physical blame.
That way you can convince yourself that you are still sane."
Ich.
Bin.
Geisteskrank.
 Alucarda Incarnate · Tue Jan 15, 2008 @ 08:38am · 1 Comments |
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