|
|
|
Someone recently asked me
"Why are you so insecure, can’t you see you’re pretty?"
Another person asked me months ago, “What are you so afraid of?”
But just before, she was mindful enough to ask, “Why do you hate me?!"
Now I’m laying here asking, “Will I ever again allow myself to love?”
All these people around me
Have grown to hate me,
And I would like to be
The very first to admit, that even I can see
Why every single one of you- eventually
Always give up on me.
This isn’t the usual rhyme I’m going to share,
So get comfortable my dears-
Because none of my other works can possibly compare-
I would like to welcome you all to my Theater of Fears.
You shall see what I know no one have the will left to dare-
Because due to the overcapacity held through the years
No warrior, no matter how cunning, will ever fair.
An ever regenerating labyrinth of walls,
That positively none can fathom the length it sprawls.
I created an unsolvable mystery,
An impossible quest designed to generate chaotic falls.
I live an unbeatable game-
Even if you didn’t intend to- I force all of you to be the same.
You’re all right.
I love to love.
So much, that even if I’m snubbed
I’ll find a new lovely little tool, usually hidden from sight.
Another poor, defenseless, possible more than lover
That I’ll just end up putting on a magazine cover-
Instead of down an aisle, or on my arm.
I choose to disengage every mission,
Before my defenses ever even need to arm.
I am a coward, nothing more than a creator of fiction.
None of you are to blame,
So allow me to return to my catacomb of shame.
Don’t worry- you’ll see me again
I’m sure my new endeavor will gain
Some form of fame.
I always do,
Because any that ever possibly see through
I remove before they can ever tell me “I love you”
That way I can focus on strengthening my curse
And bringing myself that much closer to the hearse.
Because I’d rather be alone
Than learn how to cope with finally having a self-founded home.
I did it to the gingers,
I did it to the nurse.
I did it to the princess-
And now I just feel worse.
No one left to entertain, or impress.
I walk into situations just to disarm them
Because I treat each as a precious gem.
One I can later flaunt
And use to chase away each haunt.
That way none ever get close enough to see-
You were all more than I ever hoped you could be.
I throw all of you
Through senseless trials
Most of whom
Are smart enough in the beginning
To begin skipping away the miles.
Because it’s my game,
I’m insane-
And I’ll always think I’m somehow winning.
I destroy my own sublimity,
Just to see what I can endure.
I’m a nothing more than a scared, cowardly
Excuse for a voyeur,
Who jumped through worlds just to be sure
I could survive anything any of you
Would ever possibly put me through.
Not to mention,
The mere panic caused by the idea of a consistent.
A final, true lack of the need to remain
In the mode I seem to thrive better within- despite its strain.
And in addition,
I would like to admit
To my senseless
Manic repetition
Despite it’s poetic presentation
I understand that it takes a mind of a certain motivation
To decipher my dialect
Enough to become fluent
In the language of the psychotically congruent.
So as one can imagine,
This attracts of people of a certain flare, and when
I end up left alone to understand their choice-
Well, I’m finally telling the truth in my own voice.
I live in a fantasy world
Where I beg to be unfurled.
Yet here I remain, body achingly curled.
I’m lying here,
Boldly acknowledging each tear.
Accepting that I play the victim to each fear.
I’m the very cause of the sadness I hold so dear.
I’m not sure why or how,
But I think I finally understand now.
I have to find a way
To one day
Look into someone’s eyes and trust they mean it when they say
Those things I feel just can’t be real-
Like “I’m okay”
Or “Ya know, I’m glad you stopped me from walking away.”
Even, “I’ll love you ‘till my dying day.”
 Alucarda Incarnate · Sat Mar 29, 2014 @ 07:23am · 0 Comments |
|
|
|
|
|
