Well, yesterday was a big day, indeed.
I was really depressed all day long,
Because I was thinking of what I was going to do with Clarence.
Like,
How on EARTH was I supposed to show him that I love him?
How can I prove to him that I love him?
At the end of the day,
I got on my bus,
And he immediately told me that I had 3 chances to prove to him that we should go out.
Then I started to think.
If he really did want to go out with me,
If he really DID love me so much,
Then why should I have to PROVE to him,
No,
CONVINCE him to go out with me!?
So, I told him,
"Then forget it. Obviously you don't care enough."
And something, right there,
Clicked.
Something inside of me clicked into the "off" position,
Because I suddenly realized;
I don't love him.
He obviously doesn't care,
And I have no reasons to care about him,
Except for the fact that I thought I loved him.
But now that I think back,
Back to October 5th of 2007,
I start to remember.
----
We were in Chris's room,
Laying there together on his bed.
He was basically pushing me to have sex with him.
But I told him,
"I trust you not to talk me into it."
Because he knew how gullible I was,
And still am.
Unfortunately,
He broke that trust.
He talked me into it,
And I agreed.
Yes,
It WAS consensual.
And yes,
I DID enjoy it.
But the fact is,
I trusted him not to talk me into it.
And he did anyway.
He broke my trust,
So I haven't been able to trust him since.
----
Lately he'd been saying to me that I haven't trusted him,
And that I should have been,
And he couldn't figure out why.
But I know why now.
And,
Just as he was about to get off the bus,
He said,
"Hey, I still like you, don't I?"
To which I didn't really reply,
And he then said;
"Oops! I wasn't supposed to tell you that."
I somehow got satisfaction out of him telling me that.
Knowing that I've finally got my closure,
And that I don't love him any more,
It's made me...Happy to know that he still likes me,
And that I don't feel the same towards him.
I hurt him.
And I couldn't be happier.
I got the payback that I've been subconsciously wanting all this time,
And now,
I'm over it.
I'm over him.
I've over it.
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The Life and Times of Tim
What's going on in my life, what's going through my mind, and song lyrics at random to FYI on my mood.
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Yellow_Coated_Bananas
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