There's a funny story behind this one. I was asked to write a song for french class and I'm really bad at writting dilly dally poems (or songs), all my poems are emotional and personal. So I wrote this poem thingy called Nobody, which is a basic story of my life from a negative point of view. Now, at the time that I wrote this, I was a big cutter and what not, and I showed this poem thingy to my favorite teacher. He got all worried when he read the stuff about the knife and whatnot and said "I hope you're not thinking about any of this" and I just laughed and said "Too late" and showed him my fore-arm.
I have no ******** clue what I was thinking, I was just doing whatever, not thinking at all of what he might do. My parents of course didn't know I was cutting myself, didn't care enough to notice really. So he tells the school shrink about this and I end up having to go see her for the next week for an hour everyday. Man! She was creepy as hell! She had always freaked me out, ever since I was sent to her the year before for having a nervous breakdown in math class (too much pressure from my parents about getting good grades and whatnot). In the end, she says that she'll have to tell my parents about my depression and cutting and all that. I convince her not to tell them until the next monday, "Please, my birthday party's this sunday, and I really don't want things to be messed up". I then tricked her into promising me that she wouldn't tell them about me cutting myself, "I want to tell them myself, at the right time. I'll tell them soon. I just want to be the one to tell them, please" etc, etc lol, ya right.
Also during this time, I've already translated it. Now, this is supposed to be a song, and we're supposed to sing it in front of the class. It's supposed to have a chorus and a fairly repetative tune. Mine had no real melody, I just sang it in my head as I thought it should sound, and there was no way that it was going to get me good marks. Plus, even though I'm a good singer, I HATE singing infront of an atentive audience, I'm shy like that.
So, over the weekend I end up telling my parents about the poem, and the shrink etc, figuring that I'll get in less trouble if I tell them myself, and then if I tell them first, I can twist things certain ways, and if it's told differently later, they'll believe my version. I'm a smart girl. Evily smart.
My parents are just like "Oh, they're all over reacting" "You're a teenager, I wrote stuff like this too" "It's not a big deal" "We'll work it out" Of course, they didn't realize I was cutting myself at the time haha.
So, after a long discussion my step dad says, "Nicely, written by the way. Good french." And that's the end of the conversation. Also, because of all the commotion I've caused, my french teacher desides that I'm too emtional upset and that I don't need to present it infront of the class if I don't want to. Of course I don't want to! It was like a random birthday present! And this was after all the rest of the class had embarassed themselves infront of everybody else. To top it off, I was the one person in my class that the whole class really wanted to hear sing, because I sing well, and they had only heard me sing once, in the talent show. It was awesome, "Wait, Madame! Bells still has to go." "Ya! We want to hear her sing again!" I just look at them all, a triumphant smile plastered across my face, "I don't have to go" biggrin They're just like eek gonk "No fair!" I got good marks on it too, because it looks like it has a chorus and a melody. Lol. xd
Nobody
I am used, not loved
I'm picked on by all, even the teacher
Everything is my fault, regardless of the evidence
I watch the ants crawl, the birds in the sky
I sing this song all the time
It's not my fault, please stop pointing
It's not my fault, please stop laughing
Recess is the loneliest time of day, for me
Cuz nobody wants to play with me
I sing to myself, all to myself
Cuz nobody wants to be friends with me
She wasn't a friend, not a real friend
She yelled, hit and ignored me
She started rumors and tried to kill me
I watch the kids play, envious, in pain
I wish it would all just go away
I sit and cry, broken inside
I sit and cry, as the years fly by
Recess is the loneliest time of day for me
Cuz nobody wants to talk to me
I sing to myself, all to myself
Cuz nobody wants to help me
As I grow up I remember this song
This is the song of my childhood
I sit in dark corners and under the stairs
I'm still alone, all alone
When I was younger I could cope, but I'm losing hope
I take the knife, and watch the blood fall
I take the knife, I feel so calm
Recess is the loneliest time of day for me
Cuz nobody wants to look at me
I sing to myself, all to myself
Cuz nobody wants to save me
Nobody
I'm a nobody
SadistikMasochist Community Member 
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