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Civilization of the Month: Egypt
Egypt, like many civilizations of the ancient times, found itself started around a river. A river known as the Nile, to be precise. Over the course of thousands of years, Egypt would carve a nice so big in history that people will be talking about it for the next several millennia.

As most of you know, Egypt is home to the Pyramids, the river Nile (As stated before), and the Sphinx. But it's home to more. Much more, actually. Much of it's iconic symbols used as tourist traps have a much more spiritual, and mythical, surrounding. But more on that later.

Now, I could pull things out of my a** for this because I don't know much about Egypt, but I did the right thing that anybody would do and wikipedia'd it. I must say, it's very interesting. Egypt started out as various different tribes along the Nile, and they formed various different cultures as can be expected. By about 3150 BC, the first pharaohs solidified their control over the lower part of the empire (I'm guessing that's the southern part...but lower can mean anything back then.) and established their glorious capital at Memphis which my countrymen stole to name as the capital of Tennessee.

With their trade routes established and a capital set up, Egypt started going on a cultural rampage. They honed their skills as artists, architects, and engineers. They increased agricultural activity, started taxing their citizens, drafted citizens for construction projects, started irrigation programs, and set up a justice system. This was the Old Kingdom. Eventually the Old Kingdom crumbled under the sheer weight of it's massive balls; The Pharaohs were far too rich, the people were poor, and severe drought made farming impossible. Thus a 140 year period known as the First Intermediate Period began.

All you need to know about it was this: It was dry, and really really hot. They had no food, and their government was in a massive overhaul.

The Middle Kingdom was when Thebes became the capital of the empire and stability was restored. Thus, a resurgence of the arts came along with food and militaristic paranoia. Many rules of the 12th dynasty funded the building of a wall along the Nile's eastern delta to defend against attack. But of course, this is the Middle Kingdom. That means there's another kingdom coming up, and the Egyptian Empire collapsed under the weight of it's massive balls...again.

So the Second Intermediate Period came along. A bunch of immigrants known as the Asiatics seized control of a town by the eastern delta of the Nile known as Avaris, and the region surrounding it. This made the government jumpy and they ran away to Thebes. A bunch of guys known as the Hyksos moved in and took control of everything north of Thebes, and the Hyksos' buddies, a bunch of guys called the Kushites, took mostly everything south of Thebes. The government, thankfully for them, had the forethought to be militaristically paranoid, and fought both sides off and regained control of the empire once more.

The New Kingdom began, and was again filled with prosperity and the like. Just copy and paste the last two kingdoms and you'll have this one. Some notable things that came out of this are Tutankhamun and all of the Ramesses. But, as with the last two kingdoms, they crumbled, and after years of crying to themselves, the Romans stormed in and crushed the Egyptians with their massive balls.

Now that I've thoroughly bored you to death, I'll move onto other parts of the paper.


Today in History, March 28th:
[] Nathan Briggs patented the washing machine in 1797: Without him, we'd still be doing our laundry by hand. Thank God for him.

[] President Dwight D. Eisenhower died in 1969: Leader of Allied forces in Europe during World War II and president during the Korean War. Go him!

[] Three Mile Island, Pennsylvania, Nuclear Reactor accident in 1979: Scared the living s**t out of the commies and us.

[]The names of Turkish cities Constantinople & Angora were changed to Istanbul & Ankara in 1930: Woo-hoo!(?)! While this obviously has a profound impact on the Turks, but it hasn't made much of an impact anywhere else...except on maps. I'm sure somebody'll yell at me for that.

Video Game Review: The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion

If there was one word to describe this game, it would be this:
********.

Say that ten times fast and call me in the morning. When I first bought the game last march, I was swept off my feet and taken far off to a land where I yell at my computer screen not out of frustration, but out of sheer awe.

I'll start with the graphics. "Very pretty" is an understatement. Even compared to some of todays stuff, it's pretty damned good. I mean, it's no Crysis, but it sure as hell ruined my computer when I tried putting the settings halfway. Thanks to Oblivion, I have a new computer that replicates the Monolith from 2001: A Space Odyssey. If you do play this game (I assume you've played it or heard of it because you don't live under a rock), I suggest finding a nice high place and wait until sunset. The only word for this setting is orgasmic.

Now the gameplay and story telling are even better. If you feel like being a meat-headed warrior and run into every room with a warhammer held over your head, then you can. What about an assassin? Hell yes. If you want to be a weasel and back stab anyone who looks at you funny, you can! Mage? Yes. You can be a mage...if you're a p***y.

There is a large amount of groups called Guilds(!). They have a guild for fighters, thieves, assassins (Of course the two operate illegally and everytime you work for them you risk being arrested by guards), and a p***y mage guild. But of course, to make things interesting, each guild is facing some sort of trouble, and it's your job as the chosen one to stop it and eventually become head of each guild. Whether it be saving the Fighter's guild from a mercenary guild, the Assassin Guild from a traitor, the Thieves Guild from a bunch of stuck up pricks, or the p***y Mages Guild from a bunch of badasses who summon zombies to do the work, you never run out of things to do.

Adding onto that last statement, along with the Faction quests (As they're called in the game) and the Main Quest involving keeping Oblivion (i.e: Hell) from breaking loose across the world, there are so many side quests that it took me four months to complete a quarter of them.

The story telling is amazing. I can't describe it without getting carried away and giving it all away to those of you who haven't played it, but rest assured that you'll grow attached to many characters.

Overall Oblivion is an incredible game and should be played by anyone who thinks, or indeed does, like fantasy anything.

I give The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion a 10 out of 10, several dozen thumbs up, and all the stars in the Orion Nebula, Milky Way and Andromeda Galaxies, as well as the Large and Small Magellanic Clouds. Play it today if you haven't.

Congratulations!

Congratulations to myself, Galad Damodred, and Josephine Falnor for making crew/vic e captainship. Here's to keeping the forums clean of the internets scum.