I feel completely lost right now...nothings going right and everything is going wrong. I cant think straight anymore. I get yelled at by my parents all the time, i get yelled at my my teacher, i get yelled at by my coaches, and i get yelled at by my friends. If i get yelled at one more time i think I'm going to explode! I get beat up everyday in the halls and in the lunch line and I have bruises to prove it. I get made fun of everyday, everywhere I go. every corner I pass there's always someone there making fun of me...I'm tired of being strong when inside all i really want to do is cry and cry and cry. My friend(basically a brother) with cancer just left me so now the world feels alone and hollow, just like my heart.. I don't want to keep on going when there's nothing to look forward to in the day except to get made fun of, beat up and yelled at. I have no one to confide in and even when I'm surrounded by my "friends" i feel alone, scared, and hollow. I don't even feel like I'm living anymore. It's like I'm just a puppet now, I'm at the will of everyone else and I'm sick of it. All I want is for 1 person to be there for me through thick and thin, 1 person to truly understand me and what I'm going through, 1 person to really care about me and what I do, 1 person to just a good friend. That's all I want and that's all I need but it doesn't seem like I'm going to get that anytime soon. Might as well get used to being alone. The only thing that keeps me going is music and poetry. It's the only thing that I understand and that understands me.
I dedicate this poem to Jacob(friend with cancer)
"Watching"
What do those words mean?
They make my heart hurt
What do you think I've seen?
Time cut our love short
Why do I see your smile in my head?
It makes me want to cry
Why do I hear your voice when I'm in bed?
It makes me want to die
Are you watching me from up there?
I'm looking for you as I look at the sky
Are you enduring all the pain you can bare?
I'm not sure why I have to lie
Was there a time you wanted to give in?
Cause right now I'm having one
Was it as bad as a sin?
Cause I'm not done
I'm watching you
You're watching me
I'm going to do what I got to to do
You're sure one day each other we will see
now excuse me while I go huddle up in a ball and try to survive.
 miroku fan 101 · Sun May 25, 2008 @ 09:41pm · 0 Comments |
