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Last night...
Jordan came over.
And...
He slept over.

It started out nicely.
I showed him the house,
He showed me a musical I'd never heard of,
And I got to listen to the song he wrote me. <333

It started off so nicely.

Then, we turned off the lights,
And put in Moulin Rouge,
Because he'd never seen it.

So,
We started watching it,
And eventually he started asking me if we were going to go anywhere.
And I said, "Well, I mean..."
Because,
Honestly?
I wasn't really feeling up to anything.

But,
He kept asking me to,
And I told him,
"Well, then,
Kiss me."

And he did.
And...

This whole time,
He's been telling me that he's in love with me,
And that he loves me so much.
But..
I haven't really felt anything for him.
At all.

So,
I knew that I would know how I felt after we had our first kiss.

And I did.

...
I don't.

I told him.
I told him that I didn't feel anything,
And that I still wasn't attracted to him.

He kept begging me to change my mind,
And he kept trying to understand why.

I kept explaining it,
But he just couldn't get it.

By this time,
I was tearing up.

Eventually,
He told me something.

This whole past year,
He's been obsessing over this guy named Sean.
Saying, "Sean's so amazing, I love Sean, OMGSEAN."

And, I was like, "Ookay, whatever."
Because I didn't really care.

But last night,
He told me that this whole time,
The obsession was just a cover up.

It was to cover up his actual feelings for me.
D:
He was obsessing over me.

And I started crying.

He told me that I was the reason he wouldn't come out to lunch sometimes.
Because he didn't want to tell me,
And he was scared it was going to be awkward.

It was my fault. D:

The entire night, he kept kissing me,
And petting me,
And telling me how much he loved me.
And how much I meant to him.

It was tearing me apart. D:

We finally got some sleep at around 3am,
And I dreamt a dream of running in circles,
And not-understanding. D:

TheJosieKins
Community Member

Offline

Thu Jun 05, 2008 @ 07:04pm

Oh noes Timmy-wa! D:
That IS so sad. <//3
BUT. I also don't agree with what this Jordan guy seems to be doing, regardless of how he feels about you, which is sweet. He just seems to be very manipulative, like trying to guilt trip you into dating him. Which, I'm sorry, is NOT appropriate. He's trying to make it seem that his sorrow is YOUR fault. No, its not. And I can say this for sure....and you know why. I'd go on, but I don't want to abuse your comment section TOO badly.
Anyway, don't be sad because it isn't your fault. And if you keep thinking it is and he keeps pressuring you like this, give me his damn number and I will CALL HIM UP and set him straight. Hmph. Or I'll stomp right over there and do it in person. I can be very stompy when I want to, and dramatic too, like...throwing billiard balls or something.
<333

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