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Weeeeeel, I've had a hell of a time. Hell of a good time that is.

Cross country is still a pain in the a** body, but I do enjoy it. The people are great and we all have so much fun. I do get kinda lonely when we go on runs though. I'm still the one who falls so unbelievably far behind that it isn't even funny, but I guess I'm just stupid that way.

Embarrassing myself is fun. blaugh

... and everyone from band camp can tell that I enjoy it. Yeah, I've most definately made a bigger fool out of myself than ever, but it's okay, becacuse I am officially and upper classmen now. Before the seniors and juniors were older than me. Now I'm a junior... MWHAHA! God, it feels good.

Though, it does make me realize that I need to spend more time with my senior friends, because after this year, the chances of me ever seeing them again is very slim. I mean, I plan to go off to college and disappear and I wouldn't doubt that everyone else is going to as well.

Yay... All the juniors and seniors have lunch together! *Happy dance* Maybe some days I'll be able to leave my friends and go eat with my good ole buddy, Eric. Hehe. Because we all know who sits at his table. Mwaha.

[ Yeah, Trina, it is pretty good that most of the people who you and I often talk about, don't have access to these journals. Hehe. ]

Okay, to distract myself from ranting about people redface , I'll talk about Gaia!

I love the LSG, it's so much fun. Yeah, just the other day I was posting in the GD and was screamed at by so many Gaians it's not even funny... but in the LSG I don't need to worry about that. I love being around fun people.

Oooh, like our cross country picnic today. We started at 10ish which was nice because I got to sleep in an extra house. Reeeeaaaally nice! And then we only ran for like an hour and a half or so... as apposed to 2 hours. >.<

And then we ate lunch. Everyone brought food and my dish was the first one to empty. I should have known that fruit salad would be a hit with runners. It always makes me feel good when people like what I make. Like when Dano had Ray come home with him from swimming last year and I'd feed the kid dinner. He always asked for seconds and said that my cooking was way better than his mom's. I still really hate cooking, but it does make me feel good! 4laugh

But yeah, after eating we played really screwed up wiffle ball. It was great.

Oh and Trina, all our favorite guys were toppless... as ALWAYS! Hehe. I do love those cross country people, even if I can't run even half as well as the rest of them.

Man that was a good picnic. If my day had ended with that I would have been extremely happy... but it got better.

Because we had band camp!!!!!!!! exclaim exclaim exclaim

Yeah, I love it that much. I still wish we'd do more. I mean, he gave us an extra fifteen minutes for dinner and then let us out about 40 minutes early. How insane is that... especially sinse Dano and I specifically told Phil to pick us up with all of our instruments, cross country gear, picnic stuff, uniforms, and misc. band stuff at 8. He and I were so desperate for a ride home that we just talked to all the other poor kidos who were stranded at the school until 8.

It was fun. I made an a** of myself... though not as much as I did at dinner. I went to Burger King with Daniel and Emily. God, we have fun freshman... Anyway, I semi-flirted with the guy at the cash register and then with the guy who I always see there. I couldn't help it... I sooo desperate for guys to flirt with. I seriously would flirt with the cross country guys if I could ever catch up with them. rofl But yeah, maybe I'll just wait until school starts our next robotics competition.

Anyway. Phil goes back to colllege tomorrow. I've been praying for this day all summer long, but now that it's going to come up with tomorrow's sun, I'm kinda sad. Phil's been on happy pills all summer, but under them somewhere is my big brother, who I've missed all summer long and will continue to miss until the guy can pull himself together.

I wasn't that weird when I was on anti-depressants was I? Anyway... I do miss the old, mature Phil. Maybe he'll come back when the loopy Phil comes back for Thanksgiving. Please God, help Phil.

I remember back shortly after my mom died the doctor put me on some sort of anti-depressant because I just wasn't "dealing" with it. *perterbed eye roll* Anyway, I remember that before the medication, the things that I loved to do didn't bring pleasure anymore and it was so hard to laugh and smile. I'd just sit around, all sad like and not doing anything. And then after the medication, it was just the same, except different. It was more like I just didn't care about anything because I was happy and that was that. I think that the happy pills made me more depressed than the depression did, because deep down, I knew that I truely wasn't happy.

Oh, just dissreguard that.... I don't know how to put it into terms that anyone who hasn't experienced severe depression would understand. Anyway, I do know that I don't want my precious older brother going throught that. I want him back....

Great, now I'm all upset... I have to head up to bed soon and I don't want to go in a mood like this.

Okay, now I am listening to good happy music (coutesy of Madonna) and I'll write about something happy before I leave.

Something happy.... something happy.... hmmmm....

Shoot, outa time...

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