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I am not your hero,
I am not your lover.
I am not your friend,
You're acquaintance or sister.
I am not
what you thought.
I am
what I've always been.
The storm may stop,
The rain may cease.
But my storm,
My "natural" disasters...
They continue for life.
I'm going to let you go,
But please know.
You don't know a fraction of what caused this collapse
You have no idea why all of the embroidery is finally shedding.
You won't even be aware, when I begin to relapse.
I've been thrown into the fires of Kane,
I've been tossed into your inferno of pseudo-hate.
You've drowned me in your own disdain.
You lost me, I gave up; You're not with the wait.
Yes, darling girl
Look upon me with loathing.
Yell at me again.
Do you finally see?
What all along I warned you was me.
I am not
what you thought.
I am
what I've always been.
Alone I am strong,
But when I embraced you
All my strength had left.
Now I'm gone.
And I've been conditioned,
Trained to ignore the pain.
You held me
You broke me.
You suffocated me with trust.
So remain in the fog.
The fog of your lies.
Now look into the mirror, see what I see?
A fearful dog,
Cowering in pain as the love she had slowly dies.
I am not
what you thought.
I am
what I've always been.
Has the requiem of my warnings finally become clear?
Do you finally see the irony in holding me so dear?
Did you always think I would let you remain near?
You entertain me, dear child.
You are nothing more than a pawn.
She was just a common whore,
And you?
You're just another animal I captured from the wild.
I've tamed you.
You bore me now,
So keep walking away asking yourself, "how?"
Such a predictable creature you were,
It's no wonder you long to be with her.
I've forsaken you,
Like all the rest, you were no different.
You were just confirmation part II.
Look into my eyes, they hold no lament.
You see it is love and affection that I truly resent.
Repel me away with your anti-viruses.
But what happens when they all go away?
Will you know then that your verdict is right,
Just as strongly as you do now?
I am not
what you thought.
I am
what I've always been.
Maybe I'll wake up,
And this will all just be a fictional nightmare.
Because after every rip, every tare...
That's how my existence remains.
A nightmare I can't wake up from.
My bold confessions meant nothing to you,
And here I thought what we had was true.
And no, I was not going to stop trying for you.
But now we're through,
And because of you
There is nothing I can do.
I am not
what you thought.
I am
what I've always been.
Stitching.
That's what my body feels surrounded by.
Another tare,
Another needle dances across my flesh.
Repairing the broken,
It seemed to be what I did best.
But I hide my darkest secret of all from sight.
The truth,
The confession.
I've been broken all along.
Another rip,
More burning penetrations of the cold steel.
There is no love or trust,
Only sick, sweet lust.
Another incision,
Scratch, slash.
I've raped the blade,
And drank the wine.
Somehow I'm still able to write another line.
Another shatter,
The crimson stained glass seems so worthless from afar.
Little did you know,
I was going to be your very first scar.
I am not
what you thought.
I am
what I've always been.
I'm breaking, falling apart.
Stitch by stitch, I'm coming undone.
I'm told it is okay to fall,
But I reach up, grab hold of something
Anything.
And it's suddenly changed.
It's wrong to need.
It's insane to trust.
So I'm dropped once more.
Collapsing onto a cemetery floor.
At least here,
Buried beneath the dirt and every last fallen tear...
At least here I no longer have to feel fear.
Or pain,
Or shame,
Or blame.
Well...
By now you're probably wondering
How?
How will she do it?
Apathy, my dear child.
Become a shell again.
Learn to divulge nothing,
And trust no one.
Condition to avoid those wielding the seductive spear of affection.
Train to only allow myself to feel the physical pain.
Hone my skills of aggression and dementia
Until my brain is that of a machine.
On,
Off.
On,
Off.
 Alucarda Incarnate · Wed Jul 09, 2008 @ 05:38pm · 0 Comments |
