I haven't posted in a while. I suppose I don't have much to say. Then again, who reads my journals? Not that it matters, I write just to write. Hummm. I'm so lonely! I miss my brother... out of all my old friends, he's the only one who still seems to care yet he's so far away.... I know it's my own fault though for not trying harder... but I hate to admit to them that I feel awkward being a third wheel. They all have boyfriends who they are with all the time, and even when they invite me along... I'm too afraid to go because it makes me feel more lonely. Is that selfish? It's not that I don't care about them and want them to be happy.. I suppose it's just that I wish I had someone too. Hhhmmm. Sometimes I just feel like.. I have so much love to give, and no one will accept it. Dreary dreary night.
I ran into an old... well, an unrequited love. Childhood crush, I suppose, since I was 14 when I fell for him. It's been a long time since then... It isn't as though I still care for him as I did, but I can't help but feel there is a reason his presence still makes me feel.. electric. The simplest things lead to him... going in circles. But he doesn't seem to care, really, and that's alright. I know it's no use trying to pretend you feel attracted/inlove/etcetera just to appease them. Even if we could just be friends, that would make me happiest... I guess we're too different.
Sometimes I'm afraid that I'm my own worst enemy. I try not to worry and I just go through life, doing simple things... I don't know. How do you get out into the world? I'm so socially inept now... sigh sigh. I am busy lately though... so even when I have a small chance to get out with friends, I can't accept.
If you do read this, and you know me outside of Gaia, please pretend you didn't. ;0 It's so unlike me to say so much.
 Pasiphaea · Wed Jul 30, 2008 @ 07:17am · 0 Comments |
