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	the world sucks, and i'm beginning to realize it
	the world sucks, and i'm beginning to realize it


sometimes i feel as if i'm talking to myself... with journal entries anyways. whenever cari comments my journal, she just talks about her day, doesn't usually have anything to do with the journal. laura put the pictue in instead of commenting on the actual entry, and then kuri commented about the picture (though that was a mindless entry, so i don't much mind...) and i don't want to sound like i'm mad, but it just kinda gets to me. it's one of the little things that everyone has. guess that's one of mine... i think i'll get off that subject... for some reason, i have the oddest feeling to start a bar called RAVE... just to have some fun... i'd really like it i suppose, but that'd just add to the many places where i go... well i might make it eventually... anyways. that's actually about it... well... ok. i need something interesting to talk about... changes title there, that's something that i decided i would make in class, but i forgot to.. and the fact that most of my journal entries don't get commented on, although most people's journals don't get commented... and i feel really stupid if no one comments about this, and i just put this mindless sentence into it... anyways, onto the sucking of the world. there's a lot of asses. there's idiots who think i'm weird, the people who think i'm gay, or think that i'll be a transvestite.... there's the type that are on gaia and post mindless crap, saying things are stupid because they aren't interested, like today when some n00b comes in and 'yawns' in every thread in GCD, sometimes REALLY annoyingly, or calls the thread boring. anyways, i hate that asses. yet there's no one i can talk to about it. i always feel like i can't talk to anyone about it. maybe if some of my irl friends actually read this, besides cari, it'd be better for me... i swear i need a psychiatrist, but i wouldn't feel right talking to some complete stranger... it's great that there's kuri, cause i can talk to her.. i really feel like i can talk to her... but i always feel like i can't talk to anyone over here... it's weird that way.. god i'm getting off the part about how the world sucks. anyways, i'm stuck in band which i don't want to be in because i hate having to lug around the damnb bassoon because it's really heavy, and i have to sit next to the tuba player, who takes up a lot of room, and i'm always cramped in somewhere, and i need like a little more room at the least, but i never get it because i'm to damn shy, but then i like it, because it can be fun at times, and i get to miss school, and some other reason that i don't know... see, i feel like if i tell that to any of my friends, they'll just laugh at me. especially deamon, who will just say something like 'sucks to be you' which i really don't want when i'm talking about something like that, i don't want to think of it as funny, i want to find a way to GET OVER IT. i don't care if it can be funny, i want to find a way to not care. laughing about it, doesn't help much. i swear i should be taking anti depressants, but nobody knows how depressed i am.. if people would feel what i feel, maybe they wouldn't be so damn... mean... to me maybe.. i wish people would just leave me alone.. sometimes.... maybe just a day, all alone, with all the things i'll want or need for that day... food, clothes, etc. i just need to vent, but it never works here, or very rarely.... i need something, but i still don't know what it is... and probably wont for a long while.... Arancia · Wed Sep 07, 2005 @ 06:06am · 4 Comments


Arancia Community Member «Prev \| Next» Archive \| Home [08/28/09 10:47am] [08/15/08 04:24am] [11/12/07 06:57am] [09/08/07 08:30am] [07/11/07 10:21am] [04/29/07 12:09am] [04/19/07 06:15am] [03/15/07 01:11am] [03/09/07 03:03am] [02/27/07 04:40am]

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Give me military items
Art by SecretlySinful
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User Comments: [4]

cariosus
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Thu Sep 08, 2005 @ 02:46am

i sent you a PM with my actual comment to this journal post. it's kind of embarrassing...i can't believe i actually typed some tof that stuff....

cariosus
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Sat Sep 10, 2005 @ 05:35am

"ERROR: Could not retrieve post userdata [1904448]
db error: Table 'anihq.bb_users' doesn't exist" about 50 times. on everyone's journal. this suc--er...uh...i mean....

cariosus
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Mon Sep 12, 2005 @ 02:30am

Alright. I finished my 40-min run at the highschool, and i'm about to leave for top foods for donner..

If you don't want to be in band, tak to Mrs Taylor (your councellor! She's in the office! She has a lot of bright colors in her room, and likes the color green! she has a green purse, and a green couch cover!) Just tell her that you don't want to be in band anymore, and ask if you can switch to something. BUT, you might have to take a semester of it, and at the end of the semester then you'd be switched. I'm not sure about that, but Leah said that's what the councellor told her when she tried to switch to regular sports/fitness. (about 3 days later, she did switch tho. waah...i'm 1/3 of the girl pop. in our class...)

To "GET OVER IT." you need to do something. I don't mean sit on the computer and read forum posts or create avvy art, i mean draw, or go out with your friends, or write, or spend a bunch of time thinking about it and deciding how you're going to fix the problem... ME, i drink 3 quarts of tea daily, and i think that...what's the word....amplifys my emotions, and then i start to writeor do homework, so i can channel those emotions into something, and by the end then i think i'm spent. Boy, that didn't make sense

SUMMARY: What i think is that you need to get busy, so you don't even think about it. (and you're going to have to deal with people like that n00b your ENTIRE life. Me, i could care less.) And if you don't want to be in band, discuss it with your parent(s), and then talk to the councellor before school.

[Larn]
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Mon Sep 19, 2005 @ 01:07pm

Odd as this sounds, I know how you feel, being inside yourself and miserable while no one pays attention to it. I used to feel that way an awful lot, so I know how much it sucks. Getting out of bed in the morning is just something that doesn't seem to have a point. Go to school, be miserable some more, come home and forget to do homework, go to bed.

No offence to any of your friends that read this, but they sound like shitty friends, pardon the blunt language. In my opinion, they should try to make an effort to comfort you instead of laughing it off. Lesson number one in being a good friend: Devaluing thier problems doesn't make it any better.

I've had at least one friend that was harrassed a lot about the same thing you take crap about. Granted, he really is gay, but for a while before he really knew it, it was very frustrating and hurtful to him. It's hard to deal with that, because it seems every time you try to react to it in a way that'll make it stop, it just gets worse because there's a loophole you didn't see. That's how I see it, anyway.

I know we're not all that close, we just hang out and have good times at the BHB, but I really am here for you if you need it. I'd love to be someone you can vent to. ^_^; If you need some reassurance that I'm not a horrible advice giver or an annoying intruder, ask Skit or Xavie.

Hang in there for me! x3

Also: I agree with talking to your counselor, but not with ignoring your feelings. But yes, it's great to write or vent to get those out, and you seem to be doing that. Very releasing, isn't it?

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