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envious
that's the nice word for jealousy... i'm an extremely jealous person, it's ridiculous, but it's also weird cuz it's not with everyone. like sometimes i love a person just cuz someone else i know loves them too, even if they love them more than me, but other times, i just wanna... i don't know cuz i'd never wish anyone dead, but i wish they'd fall from a very tall cliff and live through it. ughh even thinking about it now... it makes me ill to think about some of them. especially when they take my place... when i no longer have the control, and they do. it drives me insane. and i know this is sounding really bitchy, but don't take it that way. sometimes, i still care deeply about the people, even if i'm dieing of jealousy... i can't help it. it doesn't mean i'm mean to them; i keep it to myself and it all works out in the end. and i'm happy for them most of the time... hopefully they do a better job than me...
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