Stephano Hungary: ...OMFG!!! I’m actually posting a story, it must be the apocalypse!!! But seriously, I thought of this story after Mello’s line in Chocolate!, ‘I’m gonna eat so much chocolate that I’ll be diabetic by 7:00PM tonight!’ He’s gonna regret that so much in this story, hehehehehe... Hooray for sequels!!!
Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.
Ever since the chocolate incident in February, Matt has cut off Mello’s supply to chocolate and told him to find a hobby or something to help him break the addiction. Unfortunately, Mello decided to do drugs as said hobby and Matt doesn’t even know... until today. Let’s see how he deals with Mello’s new fad.
-SNIFF!!!-... The hell was that? ...-SNIFF!!!- See, there it is agai- OH, MY GOD!!! “Mello, what the hell are you doing?!” Matt said, pausing his game momentarily. Mello looked up at Matt, and Matt noticed the white line above Mello’s upper lip. “Oh, my God, you’re doing crack aren’t you?” “HOLY CRAP, MATT, YOU’RE A PURPLE GOBLIN!!!” Mello shouted in fear, and then jumped out of a conveniently placed window.
Matt looked at the broken window in fright, but then he turned to the coffee table to try Mello’s crack. –SNIFF!!!- Matt stopped half-way on a crack line and then looked at himself in a mirror, “HOLY s**t, I AM A PURPLE GOBLIN!!!” And just like Mello, only without jumping out a window, Matt took a lighter and lit a cigarette and put it out in his hand. “YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT?! I BET YOU DO YOU FILTHY GOBLIN WHORE!!!”.......Yeah, we see how well that turned out.
-1 Week Later –
Matt and Mello are sitting in their living room with Mello on the floor, and Matt on the couch. Today the duo are experimenting with heroin, and are having a very hard time trying to stick the needle in the right place, last time Matt almost had a deadly dose to his little Matthews. So anyway, they had already sniffed some crack, and smoked weed, and it’s a wonder that they haven’t passed out or died yet... In mid-injection, Mello’s eye started to twitch and he then passed out from overdosing, which caused the needle to slip from his arm and jam into his leg.
...
“H-hey Melon...You okay?” Matt asked. “Hello?” he asked again. Matt got up and pulled up Mello’s pant leg and pressed two fingers to his big toe, “Aw, crap he’s knock out cold, but being the model citizen that I am, I’ll take Melon to the hospital!” Matt picked up Mello’s body with some difficulty and dragged him to the door, but when he got there he started to have some troubles with the handle, so instead he went towards the window. Matt heaved Mello onto his shoulders and took careful aim at their car an- “ICE CREAM MAN!!!” Oh, dear lord... “ICE CREAM MAN, UP HERE!!!” Matt shouted out the window. The ice cream man didn’t hear as he kept on driving by, “Hmmm...” Matt mumbled while looking at Mello’s unconscious body.
-CRASH!!!-
That’s right, folks, Matt threw Mello into the front windshield of the ice cream truck. “OH, MY GOD!!! AAAH!!!” the ice cream man shouted as he swerved the truck trying to dislodge Mello from his windshield. He was successful, but ended up smashing through three telephone poles, an Italian deli, a hobo, and a fire hydrant. “No, ice cream man!!!” passersby shouted, “Who’s gonna bring us ice cream?”(1) Luckily, Mello was shaken from said ice cream truck, but crashed through the back of the window of his and Matt’s car. Matt looked outside his apartment at the mess he made and decided to try the door one more time. ‘Okay, Matt. Let’s try this one more time. 3...2...1...”
-CRASH!!!-
Yep, Matt broke down his apartment door to get outside, and he was successful, but a super-freaking slow old lady passing by was crushed by said door. Apparently she had a severe case of arthritis.
-Outside-
Matt hopped in to the front seat of the car and turned on the ignition. “Don’t worry, Melon, we’ll be at the hospital in no time at all!” Then he floored the gas, speeding down the road at a good 90 mph.
“My hips don’t lie, and I’m startin’ to feel it’s right!” Matt sang along with his favorite Hispanic song on the radio. While singing to said song, Matt ended hitting a few innocent bystanders along the way because of his insane swerving/dancing while in the driver’s seat. “Oh, baby, when you talk like that you make a –“ –Bump, bump, bump, bump, bump-, “Wow, road sure is bumpy today!” Matt cheerfully said, completely ignoring the blood and severed limbs on his windshield. “OH, MY GOD, JIMMY!!!” A couple said watching their son get run over by the rampaging, coked-up man that is Matt.
“Man, I wonder where these children keep coming from.” Matt asked while running over another innocent child. “AGATHA!!!” Another couple shouted watching their baby girl get run over. “Hey, that little boy is jaywalkin’! IT’S OPEN SEASON, BOYS!!” Matt said while swerving the car to hit said little boy. “KETSUEKI!!!” “HAHA! NEW HIGH SCORE!”(2)
-At the Children’s Hospital for the Socially Inept-
Near was sitting outside at a bench, conversing with another child. “Now I summon three Blue-Eyes White Dragons!” “Wait a minute; you can’t do that, that’s not allowed in this game.” Near said. The kid retorted, “Yeah I can, ‘cuz I rule at this game and you don’t!” “Well, the rule book specifically says, you need one sacrifice for a 5 or 6 level monster, and two sacrifices for a level 7 or higher.” “Well screw the rules, I have money!!!”(3) The kid shouted in Near’s face. “... You wanna run that by me again?” Near asked twirling a few strands of hair. “Okay, since you’re deaf, let me put it to you this way, the rulebook can suck my balls!!!”
Oh yeah, it was on now.
“NRAAAH!!!” Near jumped across the table and started to strangle the child, while banging his head against the wooden table. He also gave him some paper cuts with the cards, and some splinters in the eye because of the table. “I’ll teach you to tell the rules to suck your balls!” Near shouted as he continued to beat the crap out of the child.
Now you see why Near is at this children’s hospital. You see, a few weeks ago, his staff thought that maybe he could use a friend that was his age, instead of hanging out with people who lord knows how old they are... Anyway, the play-date that they had set up... didn’t go as well as they had planned...
Flashback
Near is playing on the floor with his latest limited edition He-Man action figures. “Hey, Near, we brought you a play mate!” Near looked up to see one of his personnel walk in with another child who looked to be about ten or eleven years of age.
After looking the child over once or twice, Near brought his head back down to his toys. “Well, his name is Charley, and I guess I’ll just leave you two to get acquainted with each other.” The secretary walked out of the room and shut the door behind her. “Hey, is that the latest He-Man toy?!” Charley asked. He rushed over to Near and snatched the action figure out of his hand.
Charley then started to wave the figure around while saying, “I have the power!!!” Near was on the floor staring at his now figure-less right palm. His head slowly started to turn towards Charley in a “Samara” kind of way. ‘Now I know this b***h did not just snatch my action figure...’ Near thought while staring at Charley, who was still completely oblivious to him. Near’s right eye started to twitch as he started to stand up slowly while raising up his right arm.
“Hey, Near, do you have any other action figures?” Charley asked while he was still playing with He-Man.
-BAM!-
Near is playing on the floor with his latest limited edition He-Man action figures. “Hey, Near, we brought you a play mate!” Near looked up to see one of his personnel walk in with another child who looked to be about ten or eleven years of age.
After looking the child over once or twice, Near brought his head back down to his toys. “Well, his name is Charley, and I guess I’ll just leave you two to get acquainted with each other.” The secretary walked out of the room and shut the door behind her. “Hey, is that the latest He-Man toy?!” Charley asked. He rushed over to Near and snatched the action figure out of his hand.
Charley then started to wave the figure around while saying, “I have the power!!!” Near was on the floor staring at his now figure-less right palm. His head slowly started to turn towards Charley in a “Samara” kind of way. ‘Now I know this b***h did not just snatch my action figure...’ Near thought while staring at Charley, who was still completely oblivious to him. Near’s right eye started to twitch as he started to stand up slowly while raising up his right arm.
“Hey, Near, do you have any other action figures?” Charley asked while he was still playing with He-Man.
-BAM!-
Charley fell to the floor, “Why’d you hit me, man?” “Is Nate River gonna have to choke a b***h?!”(4) “What are you talking about, dude?” “I guess I am.” Near said. He jumped on Charley and started to pimp slap and punch him across the face, “WHO HAS THE POWER NOW, b***h?!” Near shouted in Charley’s face as he continued to beat him senseless with his action figures.
Downstairs, everyone was hearing Near beat up Charley, but they ignored it and continued to play poker. “Don’t you think we should stop Near?” “Ya’ know, we should, hell, we could... But, we won’t.” “Why?” “’Cuz, we just don’t care.” “Yeah, I guess.”
“SOMEBODY HELP ME!!!” Charley screamed from upstairs. “NOBODY’S GOING TO HELP YOU NOW, CHARLEY!!!” Near replied sinisterly.
-20 minutes later-
The same secretary walked through the door, “Okay, Charley, it’s time to g- OH, MY GOD, CHARLEY!!” The secretary screamed while staring at Charley’s mangled body. She looked at the large pool of blood starting to form underneath his body, “Holy crap, I’ve gotta take you to the hospital! Near, do you know how this happened?” The secretary asked as she started to pull up Charley’s body as gently as she could, “... No... I have absolutely no idea...” Near replied as he cleaned off his bloody action figures with a cloth behind his back, too bad the security camera in the room caught the whole thing...
End Flashback
While Near was continuing to beat the s**t out of the kid, a black car came driving through the playground of the children’s hospital. “THAT’S IT! RUN, YOU LITTLE BASTARDS, RUN!” Matt shouted as he drove his car into as many little innocent children as possible because they couldn’t get out of the way in time. Near looked through the back window of the car and noticed Mello’s limp, bloody body. Before he left the playground Near turned back the little boy, his hand still gripping his throat tightly, “We’ll finish this later you little shetbag!”(5) And with that, Near after the black car, stepping over severely mangled bodies in the process.
Before Near rounded the corner to follow Matt and Mello, a nurse that came out of the hospital, who totally ignored the bloody bodies of the other children, went to help the child that Near had recently beat the tar out of. “Oh, my God, Joseph, how did this happen?” She asked cleaning off his face with a tissue, “I...uh...” Joseph looked at the corner of the hospital and saw Near staring at him with a death glare, which strangely seemed to make his eyes glow yellow. “I... fell.” Joseph said. The nurse gave him an incredulous look, “On what?!” She asked. “In the... sandbox...” The secretary paused momentarily, putting a finger to her chin, “Hmm... I suppose that makes sense...” Now it was Joseph who was giving the nurse a disbelieving look.
‘And, behold, ladies and gentlemen, this is the woman who tried to be Mayor of the city and, surprise, surprise, she lost.’ Near said rolling his eyes. He ran to the front of the hospital and carjacked a kid’s bike, pursuing Matt and Mello.
Matt drove, more like crashed, his car into the hospital parking lot, and right on top of a handicap space.... Look, I know that last sentence may not have sounded right, but I’m being serious, the dude parked on top of a couple who were already in the handicap spot, and had yet to get out! “Are you okay, Richard?” “...WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!” Richard shouted, suffering from his Alzheimer disease.
Matt put the car in park, and pulled Mello’s body out of the broken window, resulting in many scratches on his body. He ran into the hospital and dropped Mello on the check-in desk, “My friend needs help!” “Look, hon, ya gonna have ta wait, the doctor is very busy at the moment.” The nurse replied in her Jersey accent, ‘What is a woman with a Jersey accent doing in a Japanese hospital?’ Matt thought. He turned around to look at the empty lobby, “No one’s here.” “It don’t matta, hon, ya still gonna have ta wait.” The nurse replied.
‘Oh, screw this.’ Matt pulled out his conveniently placed gun and proceeded to cap the nurse, and walk into the emergency room. “Oh, my goodness, what happened to the poor boy?” The doctor asked looking at Mello’s body. “...Uh... I don’t know...” Matt replied dumbly. The doctor looked at him with a weird look, “It doesn’t matter, let’s get him into the emergency room people!” “But, doctor, we’re already in the emergency room.” A nurse said, “Right... well, let’s start working.”
-10 hours later-
(‘Cuz that’s usually how long an average surgery takes)
(... Come to think of it, why would they perform an emergency surgery if the guy just overdosed?... Oh, yeah, because Matt’s too high to remember exactly what the hell happened...)
While Near was continuing to beat the s**t out of the kid, a black car came driving through the playground of the children’s hospital. “THAT’S IT! RUN, YOU LITTLE BASTARDS, RUN!” Matt shouted as he drove his car into as many little innocent children as possible because they couldn’t get out of the way in time. Near looked through the back window of the car and noticed Mello’s limp, bloody body. Before he left the playground Near turned back the little boy, his hand still gripping his throat tightly, “We’ll finish this later you little shetbag!”(5) And with that, Near after the black car, stepping over severely mangled bodies in the process.
Before Near rounded the corner to follow Matt and Mello, a nurse that came out of the hospital, who totally ignored the bloody bodies of the other children, went to help the child that Near had recently beat the tar out of. “Oh, my God, Joseph, how did this happen?” She asked cleaning off his face with a tissue, “I...uh...” Joseph looked at the corner of the hospital and saw Near staring at him with a death glare, which strangely seemed to make his eyes glow yellow. “I... fell.” Joseph said. The nurse gave him an incredulous look, “On what?!” She asked. “In the... sandbox...” The secretary paused momentarily, putting a finger to her chin, “Hmm... I suppose that makes sense...” Now it was Joseph who was giving the nurse a disbelieving look.
‘And, behold, ladies and gentlemen, this is the woman who tried to be Mayor of the city and, surprise, surprise, she lost.’ Near said rolling his eyes. He ran to the front of the hospital and carjacked a kid’s bike, pursuing Matt and Mello.
Matt drove, more like crashed, his car into the hospital parking lot, and right on top of a handicap space.... Look, I know that last sentence may not have sounded right, but I’m being serious, the dude parked on top of a couple who were already in the handicap spot, and had yet to get out! “Are you okay, Richard?” “...WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!” Richard shouted, suffering from his Alzheimer disease.
Matt put the car in park, and pulled Mello’s body out of the broken window, resulting in many scratches on his body. He ran into the hospital and dropped Mello on the check-in desk, “My friend needs help!” “Look, hon, ya gonna have ta wait, the doctor is very busy at the moment.” The nurse replied in her Jersey accent, ‘What is a woman with a Jersey accent doing in a Japanese hospital?’ Matt thought. He turned around to look at the empty lobby, “No one’s here.” “It don’t matta, hon, ya still gonna have ta wait.” The nurse replied.
‘Oh, screw this.’ Matt pulled out his conveniently placed gun and proceeded to cap the nurse, and walk into the emergency room. “Oh, my goodness, what happened to the poor boy?” The doctor asked looking at Mello’s body. “...Uh... I don’t know...” Matt replied dumbly. The doctor looked at him with a weird look, “It doesn’t matter, let’s get him into the emergency room people!” “But, doctor, we’re already in the emergency room.” A nurse said, “Right... well, let’s start working.”
-10 hours later-
(‘Cuz that’s usually how long an average surgery takes)
(... Come to think of it, why would they perform an emergency surgery if the guy just overdosed?... Oh, yeah, because Matt’s too high to remember exactly what the hell happened...)
Mello is now hooked up to a life support machine, fitted in his hospital attire; you know that ones that make your a** hang out in the back? Anyway, the doctors also put an oxygen mask on Mello just to be safe, “So what’s the diagnosis, doc?” Matt asked, finally sobered up. “The good news is, he’s survived the surgery, but the bad news is he’s in a coma, and we don’t know if he’ll ever wake up.” “Oh... Okay then...” Matt replied sitting back in his chair and pulling out his lighter to start bombing a few cigarettes. “Uh, sir you can’t smoke in the hospitals.” The doctor chastised Matt taking his cigarette. Matt’s eye twitched as he snatched his cigarette back, smoked it a little bit, and blew in the doctor’s face. “-cough, cough- What’re you doing? –cough- “ Matt then took the lighted end of the cigarette and proceeded to put it out in the doctor’s right eye. “OH, MY GOD!!! AAAH! GET IT OUT!!!” “YEAH, YOU LIKE THAT, YOU GOBLIN WHORE?!!” Matt shouted. Sigh, here we go again...
....To Be Continued...
1 – This scene was inspired from the Spongebob Squarepants Movie when Squidward was worried about who was going to sign his paycheck after Mr. Krabs got frozen by King Neptune.
2 – This scene was inspired by Dr. Tran and the Toy Cack from the video I saw on youtube with him driving in the car with a deranged Grandma who forgot to take her medicine, and ended up running over innocent little children.
3 – Of course this scene was inspired by the infamous Yugioh abridged series by Little Kuriboh. This line was spouted out by our token a*****e, Seto Kaiba!
4 – This little number was inspired from the Chapelle Show with the skit that had Wayne Brady in it, and Wayne had threatened to... well, choke a b***h.
5 – This was inspired by our favorite little blonde twin, Kelly! “Shut up, deck!” Oh, Kelly, you say the darndest things...
SH: So, that’s the first part to Diabetes, my sequel to CHOCOLATE!!!, and I hope you guys enjoyed it, and, you know, leave me some reviews, and I’ll post chapter two as soon as I can. Murch lurve, Stephano Anthony Hungary, PEACE!
