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Dear Online Diary
Dreams
Last night I had 2 questionable dreams.
Watch out! I'm prepared to explain them both in detail.

1st dream:

Caitlyn, Mollie, and I were running through the halls at school when we ran into a boy whom was very inquisitive. He kept asking me about Caitlyn and I being together. I guess it's rare seeing a lesbian! He only insisted on asking me questions after he locked himself in a stall in the bathroom which all-of-the-sudden transformed into the front bathroom at my house.

He was peeking under the door. Caitlyn, Mollie, and I thought it'd be fun to start a sex scene for him since he was so interested in the lesbian life style. I don't think "interested" in a positive way though. He seemed disgusted. Caitlyn started dry-humping Mollie on the floor. I'm the jealous type, Caitlyn realized that and started ripping off my clothes. We were basically a porn show for Mollie and this random guy! Caitlyn and I were ******** right infront of them!

2cnd dream:

At my locker, preparing to drag myself to get another detention slip for the next day's after-hours, a speeding, topless, Jasmine ran towards me; and right past. Following, Caitlyn. She paused when she saw I was awe-struck. She began to explain. Showing that no matter what she told me I would not believe it, had her motionless and speechless.

We began searching for Room 31. That's an easy find. When we arrived, Mr.Gomez was playing checkers with a few younger kids. It was as if he was baby-sitting! There was no room, just a space with him, the children, and the furniture. I figured he wouldn't have my slip, or was too busy to even care. My mind took me elsewhere.

Transported to my house, a 1-story mansion. How in the world? The house was monstrous! I was amazed, though my character wasn't.

Caitlyn and I were searching for a place to hide. Somehow, her dad had gotten into the gigantic house. Frantically, we got ourselves to the master bedroom and straight to the master bathroom.

Before entering, I glanced behind us, through the hallway. I saw Mitchel, calm, relaxed; talking to my dad as if nothing were the matter. I don't think he knew whose house he was in.

What in the hell? My girlfriend was standing before me completely naked! I didn't ask, I didn't want to. Frankly, I didn't even care, I was just happy I had something to look at. Although dumb-founded by my girlfriend's gorgeous body, I knew we'd get caught. I decided to hide behind the shower curtain.

"Caitlyn, imagine your dad's face if he saw us like this-"

I stepped out of the shower, turning around, there stood Mitchel. Face-to-face. He stood, without any movement. I knew what he thought Caitlyn and I were doing. I mean, come on, what did it look like? A a naked girlfriend standing out of the shower with a butch lesbian standing in the shower talking about the look on her girlfriend's dad's face if he walked in. Yeah, not so good.

A nervous laugh escaped from my mouth,"Aha ha ha. Uh, it would look something like that."

Out of nowhere, the man begun to argue with me. Why me; A cute poster child for every little girl in the world? I'm perfect! But no, he argued. Typical.

I fought him and fought him. The scenery changed to the outside. It was windy and rainy. From the looks of it, it was almost as if the 3 of us were on top of the Golden Gate Bridge.

Mitchel grabbed my girlfriend, and he began changing shape into an old, frail woman. I yelled at her, or him. I shouted, "Wait 'till I call child services and have Caitlyn taken away from you!" The woman looked affected by the words I shouted at her, but even though she was an old woman, she was still Caitlyn's dad. She was just portraying his weakness. He was like an old woman, so he became 1. I repeated myself, knowing full well that I was bluffing. Mitchel shed a tear, turned, and walked away ever so slowly.
I knew I had won.

Now I'm up and begging for this day to end. I hid from my family for hours, and by typing this I am still doing the same. I don't like the weird looks i get from my relatives. I am comfortable with the way I am, the buzzcut and all, but the looks I receive make me ashamed of myself.

I feel alone.

Last night I cut terribly deep. I didn't mean to almost kill myself! I was gaging for about 2 hours. I traced over the circle I had recently carved around my wrist.

I lost a tremendous amount of blood. I didn't want to leave my room to make it obvious to my parents that I'm cutting again, so i stayed in my room, finding a bunch of paper to absorb the blood.

The problem is: paper does not absorb blood. It doesn't. I ended up wiping some of the blood onto the papers.

Giving up with the paper idea, I went into the front bathroom, washing my continuously bleeding wrist when my girlfriend called.

Ugh, perfect timing.

I called her while holding paper tightly around my wrist, but she said she'd call me in a bout 5 minutes. I thought I had time.

Apparently not. I talked to her for a few seconds and politely told her I was going to put down the phone for a bit. i washed up my wrist as best as I could and slid a wrist band around it which later got covered in blood. Thinking now, I'm wearing that same exact wristband as I type.

When I picked up I began to feel sick. I was out of it, almost as if losing consciousness. I felt drunk. I got Caitlyn all worried. She was worried! Ha! imagine how I felt! But i had to stay calm for her. I was calm. i tricked myself to believe I'd be alright, but I was correct. I knew I'd be okay.

I got up 3 times to get a few things, and the 3rd time, I fell face-1st onto the rug. I called it too.

But I'm better now. Just hiding is all.





 
 
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