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I lugged my backpack and laptop case out of the trunk of my Infiniti. Wow, I thought to myself. That car has gotten me through two the past two years of my life. Two years. Had it really been that long? Was I really a senior and about to walk into the front door to my school wearing the look on my face like I had just died inside? No. I hid behind my mask again. It had become routine now.
"Kat!" A rush of friends ran to me and beofore I knew it I had been hugged by more than 20 people.
"Can you believe this is our last year? Sheesh, has it really been that long?" Dani hadnt changed one bit. Always complaining or whining about something yet doing it in a sincere way. She had stuck with me through thick and thin. I owed her bigtime, so I hugged her back.
"Yeah." My eyes drifted through the commons area searching for her. I eventually gave up and layed down on one of the benches in the assembly area. I folded my arms and layed my head on them, slowly closing my eyes. It wasn't until I was about to fall back asleep when i felt a fingernail creep down my spine. That's always how I knew it was her.
"Hey baby" she said kissing my head and pulling me, literally into her lap. We sat there looking at eachother for a minute, taking in how much we had changed over the summer. I couldn't believe Bella could get any more beautiful, but she had. She always outdid me when it came to looks. Bella had it all; highest scoring student, the most out lesbian you could possibly find, friends, popularity, and me. Me. I replayed that in my head. I belonged to her? I sighed slightly remembered when I had once sworn to be no one's property. But, it always felt good knowing you are someone's. Makes you feel wanted. Thats what I had strived for all my life. Being wanted.
"Are you OK?" she turned my head toward her and lifted her left eyebrow. I immeadiatley blushed. I nudged her.
"Bella! don't do that, you know how that works on me." I looked up into her eyes, her clear icy blue eyes.
"Hm, did it ever cross your mind that maybe thats what i want?" She said smiling and lifted her left eyebrow, this time, even sexier than before. I just couldn't take it. I pulled her into me and kissed her. We stayed like that, just holding eachother and kissing until we heard a, "Ok, either get a room or invite me to the party," It was Dani and the entourage. I looked all of them over. Everyone had somehow blossumed over one summer. I watched as they all filed into seats around Bella and I. As I looked around seeing all the friends I had made I wondered. Why was I so unhappy? What was missing from my life? I was just like Bella now, I had it all. 'No you dont. And you know damn well why you arn't happy,' My conscience screamed at me.
By the time everyone had filed into their seats in assembly I was awake. I looked around. I saw new faces this year. People I had never met. That was a relief. My eyes wandered until I saw someone who looked... familiar. I knew I hadn't met her but I still felt like I knew her. I looked her over a few times. Medium length red hair. She was Short. Very short. She must have been at least 5 inches shorter than me. From where I was sitting it looked like she had brown eyes, but they could have been hazel. She seemed very tense. Most new fish are. She must have been sophtmore, at least. She looked close to my age at least. Suddenly I felt something in my hoodie. Bella's hand. I grabbed it and laced our fingers smiling at her. She smiled back and then whispered in my ear, "What time is break again?" her eyes spoke for her. That's all Bella ever had on her mind. I rolled my eyes at her.
"Okay, quiet down everyone," Dr. Coe's voice said over the raucous to the students. "As you have probably already noticed there are a few new students here with us this year. We have 5 new freshman, 3 new sophtmores, 2 new juniors, and one new senior." Senior? had i just heard right? Woods was getting a new senior? I zoned out of the room for a while until it came time to take attendance.
"Katherine Erwin?" a voice called. I stood up.
"Here!" I yelled. Almost the instant my name had been called I saw the girl I had been examining beofore depart. She gathered her books and rushed out of attendance. As she past me and Bella I saw tears in her eyes.
"Freak," Andrew said as she passed. I slapped the back of his head.
Later at lunch I somehow found a way to avoid Bella and the entourage. I wondered around the lunch room and commons area until I found her. She was facing her lunch breathing weakly. She looked up and saw me then immeadiatly looked back down at her lunch. I walked over to her and sat down.
"Hey I know Woods High is a huge transition, but it gets better. Yeah, there are some assholes here, but if they give you any trouble just come to me. I'm-" She broke me off and with what little strength she had whispered, "Kat..." I was shocked. How could she possibly know my name? It was only her first day!
"Umm, yeah. How did you know my name? Oh, well, nevermind. Are you alright? You seem upset"
"Kat... its... me... its Kris..." I felt a sharp sting in my heart. Sudden. Like when you go to the Doctor and he says he will count to three before the shot, and he only counts to two. I felt like I was insane. I couldn't have possibly heard what I though I just had. I banished the though quickly and said, "Well, nice to meet you Kris. Would you like some water or something to calm you down a bit?"
"Kat... Its Kristie. Don't you remember me? Please say you do..." She was hanging onto her words for dear life. I went from shocked and confused to angry. I though one of my friends might have had something to do with this.
"Ok, did Scott or Dani put you up to this? Because it isnt very funny. I know you're new and all but please don't agree to jokes like this ever again." She looked at me. I could tell by her eyes that my words pricked her heart like thorns. Tears began to well in her eyes. I hugged her very gingerly and said, "Its ok. I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at the people who put you up to this. If you talk to them again please tell them to go ******** themselves for me?" She laughed slightly. I released her and smiled.
"Its no joke though. I mean it. I'm Kristie! I-" I couldnt take any more. I hated when my friends pulled s**t like this. Especially when they involved the new fish in it. I got up and started to walk away when I heard, "Come... what... may..." I stopped dead in my tracks. She kept whispering, "I... will love... you..."
"Till the end..." I swallowed hard then finished it, "Till the end... of... time." Tears began to pore from my eyes. I turned slowly. I thought if I made any sudden movements I would faint. Only one person knew my favorite long song. Our eyes finally met. I held her eyes with all my strength. I knew at that point. She wasn't lieing. I fell to my knees and burst into tears. Thank God no one else was in that part of the lunch room. The second my knees hit the ground she was by my side holding me in her arms. It was at that moment that all the pain just dissapeared. The simple act of holding can put a person into total ecstacy if they truely love the person. Well, this was better than anything a drug could accomplish. I weakly wrpped my arms around her holding her back.
"Kat... Tell me this is real. Tell me we're finally together," She was crying now too. My breathing was ragged. Like how it usually was right after kickboxing.
"How...?" I swallowed tears. "How did you find me?" She looked down smiling and shook her head. "I must have looked into 6 or more schools with the word woods in it. I chose this one because when i visited my gaydar went to like Defcon 5." I laughed. The first time in a while. We stood up at the same time and looked into eachothers eyes. We embraced one final time, then gave eachother our new phone numbers and emails.
"I'll call you tonight," she smiles then leaned in to kiss me. I turned making her barely miss my lips and land on my cheek instead.
"What's wrong?" She looked very confused. I looked down. I was so ashamed that I had given up on her. Given in to seperation.
"I... I'm..." it was as if she read my mind.
"Taken?" She looked heartbroken. I flung my arms around her then whispered, "No, Kris please. I'm going to break up with her. Don't worry. I'm not going to let anything keep us apart now." I said holding her tightly. I meant it too. Now that we were together, nothing was going to stop us.
"So if x is the absolute value of y. This must mean what? Katherine?" I lifted my head up from my drawing, jerking myself back to reality. What was I doing? I looked around the room. The entire class was staring at me.
"Umm, then, y is equal to x?" A snicker came from a few of my classmates. Belal, who had already been holding my hand, squeezed it gently. Suddenly a felt a chill run down my spine. I looked down to find Bella's hand in my lap stroking my thigh. I grabbed her hand then held it tight, signaling her to stop. She didnt.
"Umm.... Mrs. Loenstein, can I go to the bathroom?"
"I suppose so. Its time for break anyway. Okay everyone, meet back in 20 minutes!"
The classrooms emptied. I ran to the restroom but as I did I got a glimpse of Kristie coming out of Sign Language. She looked happy, which in turn made me happy. Finally she saw me right as I walked into the restroom.
"What did I do right? How did my life just make a turn to perfection?" I asked as I stared at the ceiling.
"Because we love eachother," my heart stopped. I turned to find her standing directly behind me. I blushed instantly. When was the last time I had blushed? I couldn't remember. Suddenly she flung her arms around me. I smiled, wrapping my arms around her waist. I couldn't have been happier, or so I thought.
"Its been two years, Kat. Two horrible long years. I can't believe I finally found you." her voice was intoxicating.
"I know, Kris. Oh, God, do I know. I just, can't believe it's real. I mean, you never gave up."
"Nope! Not for one second!"
I hung my head sadly. I had. The worst part was, she knew I did. I mean, why else had I been going out with Bella? To forget about her, get her out of my mind. Even though it had been two years, it never worked. She noticed my dismay at what I had done, then cupped my chin in her hand and whispered, "Kat its ok. I understand. Plus, it doesn't matter now. We're together at last, and that is all that matters."
I smiled then leaned closer toward her so that our lips were barely touching. She looked into my eyes, and I looked back. Before I knew it our lips were pressed together. It was contagious, like when you click a pen; you want to keep clicking it. I gave in, kissed her back. As I closed my eyes sucking on her lip gently, I felt her hand slide up my back and rest at my neck. I shivered. Then, suddenly I remembered where I was. I slowly relinguished our kiss and said, "Kris, as much as I enjoyed that-" she broke me off.
"We're in school, I know. That's what makes it so fun!" She said pulling me into her and nipped my neck. I turned bright red and stepped back.
"Kristie! Just wait up. I still have to break it off with Bella. Hold out till friday, ok? Then, I'm all yours," I smiled as I held out my hands to her. She sprang into my arms and we held eachother. I didn't want to let go, ever. I eventually unwrapped our embrace and said, "I'll call you after school, ok?"
"Ok, I love you so much Kat," she pecked my lips one more time then walked out of the bathroom.
Back in class I zoned for hours. I couldn't focus. Couldn't work. All I COULD do, was think, about her and only her.
"How was school?" shockingly, my mother's voice somehow reached me.
"It was good. Kind of nostalgic in a way," I said as shut the door to my room and dragged my body up the stairs. I took out my laptop and opened iTunes. As I shut off the light to my room it began to blast Rammstein's Fruer Frei. I quickly clicked the foreward button on the keyboard. A soft, "May it be" came on.
"Thank God, Enya." I said to myself flopping into my bed.
I awoke to the sound of, "Hate it or love it the underdog's on top. So I'm gunna shine homie until my heart stops," it was my phone ringing. I reached over sleepily and picked up my phone.
"Hey sweetness!" Bella said. "Wanna go out for dinner tonight," My heart sank quickly.
"Yeah... That's a good idea. We need to talk," I said.
"Ok, I'll pick you up in 30 minutes." she hung up. That was the one thing I liked about Bella. She never said it. Everything with her was so simple. It was like dating a guy in a girl's body. But it helped the pain, because I never heard those three words. It numbed me, made my heart cold and unfeeling. But even thought it had numbed and slowly diminished, the pain had still lingered.
"Are you ok?" I looked up at her, hearing her words echo through my mind.
"I..."
"Oh, I know what you want," she got up and moved into the other side of the booth next to me. She kissed the side of my neck gently while stronking my lower back. Normally, this would turn me on, but it stung. It felt like pure agony.
"No," I said pushing her away.
"Katherine what's wrong?" Bella looked offended.
"I... I think we should break up," suddenly it seemed like the entire restuarant was staring at me. Bella turned me to her, looked in my eyes, then burst out laughing. I wanted to sob, she actually thought I was joking. she wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me close to her.
"Oh, Kat," she said regaining composure from laughing. "You always know how to make me laugh." I pulled away again. This time, she looked at me seriously.
"Bella... I was not joking. I'm sorry I-" she cut me off.
"What the ********? Why? What did? Why? What did I do wrong? Do you like don't think I love you or some s**t? Because I do! Please just tell me what I did wrong!"
"It wasn't anything YOU did, ok? It's me. I just, I don't want to be with you anymore," Ok BAD thing to say.
"Oh thanks, ******** you too," She got up and left, leaving me with the bill. I guess I deserved it in a sense. A rush of fear came over me. The reason I had so many friends now was because I had started dating Bella. All my friends were her friends before they were mine. I had a bad feeling about tomorrow.
 Alucarda Incarnate · Tue Oct 18, 2005 @ 04:14am · 0 Comments |
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