Today is Christmas Eve. I don't really know if I'm going to have a good Christmas. I miss Joe too much. I really wish that he could be here or that I could be there with him. I'm over here listening to Merry Christmas darling by the Carpenters over and over again. Those lyrics made me cry because they are so true. "Merry Christmas Darling, we're apart, that's true. But I can dream, and in my dreams I'm christmassing with you. Holidays are joyful. There's always something new. but every day's a holiday, when I'm near to you." Dear God, I love this song but it makes me so very sad at the same time. We talked the night before last night on the phone for four hours straight. When we talk on the phone it's so easy to imagine that he is there beside me. We can talk about absolutely anything. We always have been able to. We were supposed to talk again last night but me and my stupid self fell asleep. He wasn't having a good day and I really wanted to make him feel better because of all the times that he makes me feel better. Hearing his voice alone can completely erase the days stress. It completely obliterates all of my sadness. I love him so much that it's unbearable. I wish my mom could understand this. Whenever he is in town, she doesn't let me see him. I really hope she does when he comes back home. If she knew how much she was torturing me, she would probably allow me to see him. I do not care what I get for Christmas. All I want is to be able to see Joe. That probably seems lame and cliche, but it is so true.
"I've just one wish on this Christmas Eve. I wish I were with you, I wish I were with you. Merry Merry Merry Christmas, Merry Christmas Darling."
