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I actually participated in P.E. today!
P.E was fun for once!!!

But if something is too good to be true, it usually is.
So guess what happened.

Another Celica problem.
********, she really pissed me off.

Daniel said she's been talking about me
(and about ******** with me, which I've talked about that dozens of times to John with her)
He said that she thinks I'm trying to look like a girl again.
And, not to quote Peter Griffin or anything, but that really grinded my gears.
I mean, I can't ask, "Where does she have a say in this?"
She's ********' like me!
Now she's criticizing me and all I can do is sit back and take it!

So now I'm tryin' to be like a man again. I'm takin' myself shopping over the weekend for some South Pole s**t. No more pink or purple for a while.

I spent my whole lunch period asking people if they thought I looked like a girl or boy today.

What the ********!?
Why does it matter!?
AHHH!

Isn't she lez? (I usually don't use that word; don't like it)
So, what? She likes me manly?
What are you, straight?

You have no idea how that slight remark has affected me.

I went up to Vanessa after lunch, asking her what she thought of my sex.
Caitlyn was there.
Kinda just ignored her.
No offence, but she kinda bugs the hell out of me.
Every time I write something, she always thinks it's about herself.

Prolly like this thing 'bout my friend.
He kept talking 'bout these muffins he was eating so in my info I asked if I could have a muffin.

Fastforward all that boring s**t.
Let's get on to the title's meaning.

Yeah, finals started today.
I am (I think) the only 1 who does not give a rat's a** about finals. Could care less! Lookin' forward to 'em if you ask me 'cause school gets out early.

Drifting off topic.
At least I cought myself this time.

Amazingly, I decided to study for History. I wanted to study in the presence of some1, so I chose to go in Nick's room. He was not very happy with me, no sir. He didn't want me in his room, so I set myself at his doorway. That made him even more infuriated. My own brother started slamming the door on my foot. ******** crushing my foot! It hurt, but I did not want to look weak and yelp. All I did was sit still, stand my grown. Realizing I wouldn't budge angered him more and he started to kick at me.

My brother, of all people, started slugging at me aswell. He wouldn't stop! I didn't want to look like the bad-guy, so I didn't fight back. He clobbered me to the floor (not hitting my face, but if you see my now solid purple shins, you'll know what I'm saying is the truth).

My ma ran up. And get this.
She blamed me!
If I ******** knew she'd do that I woulda fought! But my aching foot and bruised-up legs don't matter to her at all.
Nick didn't get in any trouble It was my fault for standing in the doorway!

Irh kann gehen toten sie!

What I did, I destroyed everything.
I went through my guitar case, locating my scissors and broke a promise.
Not my wrists this time.

I can't get in trouble for what I've done, no.
But my limp id from my own cause.
At least I didn't break a mirror!
I was going to, dammed Celica made me so angry!
I had my knuckles wrapped up in a paper towel.
The only reasons that had stopped me were that
1. How would I explain my ruined knuckles to my ma?
and
2. Moran'd know it was me, making me pay for damages.

Though I musn't speak of what I have done, but I will never do it again.
That is not a promise.
My wounds are hidden.
Forgive me.

I am angry with myself, and need to be punished. I do not know what I will do as my own punishment yet. I’ll start with small stuff, showering in ice-cold water. The injuries? I will pain them. Anything I can get a hold of that will be damaging is my crucial punishment. Everything coming to me is what I have deserved. I am ashamed of my actions.
I am in pain, I must leave.