Someone asked me if I missed you.
I didn't answer ...
{♥I'm not one to tell how I truly feel for many many reasons but for the moment I want to get it out because there's no one right now that I can or want to talk to. I'm not puttin this here so you can look at me and feel any kind of pity, I want you to not even acknowledge that it's here. Just go to my previous entries and read the poems that I wrote or go and read someone else's journal. I didn't put it on private because I just want to say it, it's like screamin on the top of your lungs for a few seconds when you are soo frustrated, you don't care who hears you, you're not bothered and prefer that no one is really around so no one thinks you are nuts..that's what I feel right now. I want to break down and cry until I can't anymore. I'm tired of my life and where I am. I hate everythin about me and want to disappear, with no one knowin who I am. I want to be the "less dead", people who no one knows anythin about you and if you disappeared they wouldn't notice. I want to scream on the top of my lungs but then it would bring attention to me, and if no one showed any attention to me in the first place why do somethin just to feel noticed for 10seconds? Every bit of me wants to break everythin I have around me. tell everyone to ******** off and walk away but I have too much "goodness" in me to do such thins because then I would be labeled truly crazy. I know what I want but when I strive for it, somethin inside me tells me it's all wrong. I can't seem to get what makes me happy.
I don't want to leave GAIA because there are somethins here that I like and enjoy..I get to just *blows raspberry* and let my mind wander and relax for a bit. I think for now there is nothin here and until I can find what will make me a little happy I will only come by here just to feed the fish and to get daily chance. I hope to find what I'm lookin for and will return with a less heavy heart. Good luck to all my friends as well as any passerbys may you find what makes you happy... I won't erase what's just been written. I'm keepin it there to keep myself in check and to remember what I don't want to become. I will strengthen myself and make someone new from all the pain I have experienced recently. I plan to make MANY changes about myself and my surroundins..I will not be a victim of anythin, not even my own emotions and heart. I have had the time to figure what I want and I have a plan to get what I want. I will no longer allow pain and sufferin come to me. I am Rose, don't forget that.♥}
... I just closed my eyes and walked away.
♥Then I whispered, "so much"
