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for as long as i can remember it's always been me and my two brothers, that is until today i guess
it's like an unspoken rule or something, but i'm like the little brother they both wanted except i'm a girl. But regardless they treated me indifferently, i guess it's why i'm such a tomboy, ha. the amount of sh*t we've gotten up to in the last 15 years is enough to write an epic novel. We've picked locks, been in fights, disturbed the neighbourhood, broken into school grounds to skate, climbed trees, you name it we've probably done it. We've even been through hell and back.

But there are three things I'll never forget.

The pact we made that night i was four and the s**t hit the fan
The morning i woke up to find both of them missing and received a call from my eldest brother from central city lock up
and weeks after that.

Yep, when i say hell and back I mean it. there's not much i wouldn't do for my brothers, or them for me. yeah i remember that one time my older brother took the whipping of a life time for me.

then there's the other time there were suspicious folk staking out our house an i had to orchestrate a way for my brothers to get home without them getting noticed in case they were the ones who were in trouble.

So that being said how are you meant to feel when your eldest brother says he's moving out? yeah sure he's an arse, but that's how he shows he cares. He's the one who's so scared to die. Am i meant to be so pissed off, sad, lost and happy? ha! whatever, i guess the hardest part of all of this is knowing my mums hurting and i can't do anything cos she won't speak to me. come to think about it, no one will, they still think i'm a naive little kid who doesn't know anything.

whatever this is, it for sure is an end of an era. but seriously, itsumo kok ni iru to moteta noni, nii-chan. so whatever happens from now, even though we'll never say it to each other, saranghe yo. I love you bro