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Yep. What that damn title says.

My freaking god. I hate my life. My mother, I get the feeling that she wants me to live my her according to her decisions. And I don't want to =/ Ugh . . . . I just wish I had a mom who just wouldn't care what the ******** I did. Atleast let m e have some fun without giving me a lecture after everything. Supposing I go to the movies, I'll come home, and I'm just so happy But my mom is just not. I don't know WHY. I thought parents liked to see their kids happy? She's always telling me that I always go out, I'm always doing this and that, and she's constantly comparing me to my sister, when none of that is true. If anyone goes out a lot, it's my sister. She just doesn't tell my mom, why? Cuz she can drive and she has a car. It gets me so frustrated that you just don't know. She's always telling me that I'm not doing good in school, I'm always going out, and I'm like "shut the ******** up, how the hell would I go out when you always say no?" It's kind of sad though, because I've gotten so used to her saying no, that I've lost all and complete hope =/. When my friends ask if I can go somewhere with them, I don't even bother to ask my mom, because she won't change ~ She told me, about a month ago, that I could only go to one movie every 2 months, some people might think that that's s**t, but hell, atleast I could go somewhere. So, I asked her if I could go, and guess what her answer was? No. Funny thing was, I didn't go anywhere for those two months, and now here I am, begging her to let me go to the mall, just for like 2 hours. And she's telling me what a bad girl I am, and s**t like that. What the ******** have I done? I did as I was supposed to, I didn't go out for 2 months, didn't go the mall, didn't go to my friends house, the only thing I did do was go to a mueseum, but that was nessesary, because if I didn't go, I'd start to fail my art class. So here my mom is, comparing me to my sister, constantly degrading me, telling me how good my sister is, how she's always doing her school work, how I'm always back talking, how I'm always getting bad grades, how I'm always hiding things from her, I mean, what the ******** is there to hide when I do nothing? It just really, ugh, I don't even know.
She makes me practice math at home, because I really do suck at math, and well, whenever I make a mistake, what does she call me? Stupid. Do you know how much that affects my self esteem? No wonder I ******** slack off in school, because she's given me the sense that I really can't do anything, that I'm not capable of doing s**t. Imagine if that was happening to you, you're not mother lowereing your self esteem bit by bit every ******** day. I'm still a kid god dammit, please let me enjoy my life? I do good in school, I try my hardest. I have a 98% in World History, I have a strong 'B' in Math, have an 'A' in CFA, 'A' in Science, and a 'B' in English. What the ******** is the problem with that? Atleast I'm not getting 'F's and 'D's . . . . It's just that no matter how hard I try, she always finds a way to put me down. I came home, and I was so exited to tell her that I finally have an 'A' in World History, her response, "Just a 98? Why not a 100? Look at your sister, she's trying to hard, and yet she gets better grades than you" How the ******** did that make me feel? Like s**t. I'm worthless to her, she doesn't even know the s**t I do for my family, because I really do love them. I don't even tell her what I do, because she'll end up just playing it off like I did nothing big, but if my sister did something, and she told her, please do expect a party. My mom will congratuate my sister, she'll praise her, she'll just do everything. And I'm just sitting there, just waiting to be noticied. I just hate this entire thing. Everything is messed up, and I just don't care anymore. I'm worthless, I'm stupid, and I don't do anything, and yea, I'm another word for s**t.