Welcome to Gaia! :: View User's Journal | Gaia Journals

I'm worried about so much right now. To much events are going on around me and i can't keep up. College is one of the major worries. You see my dad works at a college i'm planning to go to so i don't need to pay tuition. However, i need money to pay for my books which are like $100. But any scholarships i get will go to my tuition and is useless to me. And i don't know if i can get any grants, cause they require certain things and they are running on a deadline. I may not get into the college i want or i may not even get to go to college!! I'm so f****n worried! The grant i'm hoping to get, requires me to work after college for 3 years in the same communtity to pay back the money. And then their is the fact my dad hates his job due to rude and obnoxios co-workers. He's only working there so i can go to college, which makes me feel guilty.

My grades in school are dropping again. Chemestry and Math are getting much harder and i'm scared i'm going to fail. I can't afford to fail! Tuturing won't help me, cause they move to dam fast! Then there is so many deadlins for my classes that is due.

Then there is the fact i'm leaving all my friends this year! I probally won't ever see them! I can't afford to leave them. I don't want to lose any friends or be alone again. I don't know what to do....i'm becoming depressed again. There's just to much stuff going on that i can't control. i doubt anyone actually reads these journals but i don't care. I need to get my worries and depression out somehow.....I'm not just worried, i'm scared. i"m not good with stress. IF i get stressed i become depressed and distant from people.

i don't like being depressed. I have bad thougths which become nightmares. I just...i don't know anymore...