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Would you go back to those times
Before you became a memory in my mind?
Only in memories can time stand still,
But life in a memory wouldn't be real...
Maturity is Calmness
Wow...another year since my last post, huh? I honestly don't get on here much since I get bored without much to do and slow internet not help things along lol. So why am I posting now? I don't know. A blessing and curse is that I think a lot about many things, so I just want to ramble. I know probably no one will read this but I don't care, I'm bored and need to write about certain things. Yes, it's personal, but it needs to be said.

I've been on Gaia for awhile, since 2006 I believe, and reading over my very old posts and messages I realized I've grown up a lot since then. Gaia was a hangout where all my friends were and where we interacted, and had our fights and our good moments. I still have saved all those moments whether they're good or bad. I keep them as reminders. Reading over a few of those memories, I realized I have really changed and in the past, i was wrong about my maturity. I acted angry when I felt someone was attacking me so I lashed out than thinking rationally. In that moment I didn't realize the way I was acting, but now seeing it again, it was wrong of me to act that way. I have changed since those years ago.

Even though I don't act that way now, I feel bad that I did then. I think rationally now, and act calm by controling my anger. I wish I could fix my mistakes and say sorry to those who I argued with in the past, and for us to find a common ground than letting our anger get the better of us. I've learned though the years that you need to look through another's eyes to understand, and realize we are all human so we make mistakes, but instead of bashing each other, why don't we talk calmly instead? I can't change the past, but I'm sorry for my faults that made those bad memories. I do ask those who remember those bad memories to remember we had good ones too.

I was always told to focus on the good than the bad, because the good is what matters. I am older now, and we all are older, so we can think more maturely and not let our anger control us. I'm sorry for anyone's anger towards me in the past and i wish I wasn't so scared to express how I really feel to certain people. I want to say I'm sorry but I fear the anger of others now. that's bad, isn't it? But that's the pain of being a person who tries to ignore conflict by locking away what I truly wish to say, then when I hide it it finds a way to someone's eyes where they get mad at me for not telling them. I'm gotten a lot better with that, but when it comes to certain people who let their anger control them, I do hold back due to fear for making the matter worse. So now I keep things to myself and wait to see what time brings.

oh well, enough rambling for today. I probably won't post again for another year lol but i have changed since a year, and I know how to handle arguments better than the past. All my friends are on Facebook now, but Gaia still holds older memories for me. Good and bad. I'll shut up now, and thanks for whoever took the time to read this. Actually, I think i may have a purpose for this journal after all, my ramblings! lol

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