♥ I've got a smile on my face and a [******** you attitude...
{♥Boy oh boy have I got some news for yall ^_^. Lately of course I have been in a little rut. I have been feelin down, but have been actively workin on pickin myself up and remain optimistic through all the problems I have been goin through. I am very happy to say that I have moved up one step on the corporate ladder. I started out as a recruiter/interviewer for a market research company about a month ago and now have made the position of supervisor ^_^. In a week I will receive trainin and a pay raise of $2! Along with that another company has hired me to belly dance for their store at my leisure for 30min and will be compensated for my time.
Last year my life was shattered and fallin apart, the months that followed only continued to down spiral in nothin but problems one after another. I was completely broke with no money in my pocket (not even a penny) for almost 2 months yet I was workin at a new job. Some friends of mine saw the struggle I was havin and how hard I was to try to make everythin work even though I had nothin to work with to better my situation. I was a dancer at a club (I'm not ashamed of it. I had to do what I did to pay for my gas to get me to work) Even though I barely made anythin, it got me gas money as well as the opportunity to "vent" my frustration. I enjoyed dancin..not strippin, dancin. I felt on high gettin lost in the music and my mind.
Come February I was in desparate need of a job. I looked around and found one, workin hard for nothin I was becomin exhausted, frustrated and a b***h. My manager showed extreme disrespect to me when I asked for "a break" so I could get my energy and perform my job duties with vigor. I quit. I had never done anythin "on a whim". Well, it left me with in need of a job again...
May I was hired at the job I am workin at. Everyone that I told that knew about the company had told me nothin but bad news about the manager. Determined to get back on my feet and prove myself that I can stand again on my own I was not goin to give up..the manager will have to find a good reason to fire me. I did my best at the job and now I am where I am (Supervisor gettin payed $9/hour instead of Recruiter/Interviewer gettin payed at $7.25/hour). I'm still not 100% out of the woods just yet because I have to straighten everythin out, but this is a step I need to get myself in the right direction.
I won't say that my life has been absolutely terrible and is worse than anyone else's. There's always someone sufferin more than I am somewhere. But compared to my life and what I remember, I have hit rock bottom once again and I am startin to find the stones I need to climb. I know where I have gone wrong and I will continue to remind myself of them to make sure I do not fall as hard for the same reasons.
My quotations that are in the corners of my entries (whether its "bumps" or PMs or my journal) are not of me tryin to be selfish. It's more of a statement that I will control as much of my life as possible, I am who I am and if you don't like it then you are not worth bein in my life. I cannot expect those that say they love me to be there because they have abandoned me when I needed them, and when I realized that I had to make my own strength I felt that there is an attitude that I must have to keep myself strong and not become unguarded to the same emotions that set me up for pain. I am a very kind-hearted and generous person and those that have been around long enough to see it will tell you. But at the same time I am not a fool,
not anymore.♥}
... because from this day forward I'm livin my life for myself. ♥
