I have nowhere left to scream.
I mean, think about it. Where in this world can you truly just start shrieking? Nowhere. It's just not acceptable. Either people around you would tell you to stop, or even if you're just alone in your room you still don't let loose because you'll feel like an idiot (our social structure's basically programmed us to). I guess that rollercoasters are always and option, but even then there are restrictions. Not only do you have to pay to get on, but you only have about thirty seconds to get it all out. But you can't even yell the whole time (because who yells going UP the ride?), and you can't yell anything but "Ahhhhhhh!" You want to yell words? You want to shout about how angry you are at your friend, your parent's divorce, your evil math teacher? A rollercoaster is not the place to do it.
There's the wanting, the waiting, and the inability to act.
Sometimes I feel like I have not yet shouted out everything I need to. I feel like that I choked it all back too soon, like I'm some sort of docile puppet who can't pull her own strings. And the feeling's always there - the wanting to shriek and yell and shout. To simply snap, to let instinct and emotion take total control. But I don't. Ever.
Instead I am here, quiet and demure, a dormant volcano. And it's always there, it never leaves, never gives me a moment's peace. It's just behind my eyes, under my fingernails. And there it will remain. What, you ask? What haunts my every word, my every step, my every thought?
At the base of my throat, trembling and entangled, lies the dark root of a scream.
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Smoke and Mirrors
Lately I've kind of been slowly coming to the strange realization that my life really is bizarre...but not in big cosmic ways. It's on a much smaller scale - the tricks are all smoke and mirrors.
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Here is the trick you have to wait til you have the house to yourself or say uhm go outside? And then you just start screaming and when you aren't sure *Should I stop now?* You DON"T STOP! you keep going until you start laughing maybe crying but even when you start to cry I suggest you keep doing it. I mean have fun with it!
There are different ways to scream just like singing and yes you are going to DEFINITELY want privacy if you are going to see what pitches you can reach and how loud you can scream.
Keep screaming til you can't help but stop because you are choking on your laughter. You will laugh if you get it all out, I guarantee it. It is like your body has to let loose all of its pent up aggression, anger, and sadness. Even when you want to laugh sometimes you can't because it seems awkward or out of place. SO SCREAM when you want to feel better but try to wait til you are more so alone because if it is your habit to hold in your thoughts and emotions you won't want to answer the questions or concerns that you suddenly screaming will bring. cool wink 3nodding