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Yeah this is going to be me being a dumbass ism of bitching my people. Just so you know, I'm doing what i do best and trying not ot destroy the world because of hte stupid pop emo music that's coming out, but more or less trying to find this happy medium between what is good and what isn't good. But on the real, I'm just randomly dropping a line so people get to understand what I reallymean when I talk about random stuff.

So now I'm still 22 still haven't gotten out of school because of work and i'm still living with my parents. I met some of my friends in the same situation and they haven't changed much, but they are happy with the who fleeting race to the end of life with a mortgage and with s**t they really don't want, but I can honestly say there's s**t that doesn't make sense in this world.

I'm still afraid of being a father not for the obvious reason of me giving up things I used to do but I'm afraid of having a kid because i know my girl would have to go to some type of government housing while i try to build her a house and what not. I figured that I'll find some purpose and find a career where my wife would be happy with me, but then again I'm trying to find this happy medium I mentioned early. I found out the hard way, I like her a lot. Not in a sense that you like someone because they like to ******** or they like to give you back messages but I like her for just spending time with me and appreciating how ******** up I am, but i digraces or what ever the hell that word is.

Yeah this journal entry is gonna be that raw with no editing

But I've started to get on youtube and broadcast all my insecure thoughts out there in the internet world hoping that it will forever been seen as me being a stupid b***h with no real intentions, but I can honestly tell you I'm living a life that i'm not really happy with and I'm afraid that she'll see me for a stupid a** dude that likes only some things and not all. I'm really laid back to the point where it seems I'm medically induced into a stupor of random words and plights. Right now she lives across the country and is living a life of random isms with her mom. She is stuck doing what girls do when they have moms that are trying to take care of grown man and i'm sorry that it comes to this difference, but there has to be some type of feel good emotion to it all, but then again I don't know what to really tell her without having some happy emotion of her hating me. Damn movies and their feel good vibes. Only in philosophical movies can you find the main character do something stupid and then randomly get praised for it. I mean its like there is this hidden agenda in moves to tell people that goodness comes and goes and that it is forever stapled too stupid angst feelings towards others. look at me, I'm using the word angst without me really knowing what it means.

The other day I took a test to see what type of epic hero I would be on Facebook. I was just doing it so people know I was still alive and what not, but I can tell you I did get someone I wanted to be. I was selected to be Katsumo. Its a guy that perfected his life by his own means and strived to do everday task as if they were effortless. Now that would be a life I would love to live, but I can't perfect things in my life and I know he thought the same. We probably find the same thing in life and find it ot be a bother to maintain it up to its intial structure without going on our own path. I know that's a fact when it comes to creating a future with this girl. I love her to the point where a man could love a woman without cutting her in pieces and making her into a pieces of meat.

Anyway done being a b***h, I'll see you guys later.