Ana's journal entries have always inspired me. I remember the days where I used to go to her journal and read her entries every single day because there would always be a new one. I remember she'd talk about her dreams, feelings, life, love, everything. After I while I began to do it myself but then when my accounts kept getting hacked, I stopped. She still does, but it's not on a daily basis. I recently read one of her entries though and it just completely inspired me. It was an analysis of herself basically and I think it's time that I did some analyzing myself.
I find the human mind fascinating. It's one of the main reasons I want to be a psychologist one day. I love hearing about people's problems, even if it's painful to listen to, I love to listen. I love trying to get people to open up to me, I love trying to repair the broken, I love a challenge. I think that is what it ultimately comes down to for me - a challenge.
I need a challenge in horseback riding too. I won't settle for a regular horse, I need a green one. One I can train on my own time. Why, one might ask? Because if I raise it myself, if I spend time with it and care for it, if I can teach it things, I can be loved (or that is my hope). And it's the same with people. If I can find someone who is seemingly standoffish and complex, I want to know more - I want to find out why and figure them out, even if they don't want to be. I love a mystery and I won't stop until it's solved.
When I finally start to figure out parts of the mystery - I grow closer to that person and usually that person in return to me since when you confide things in people it usually means that you trust them. I crave the feeling of being needed because that's really all I want in life. I want to be loved. I want that ultimate feeling of someone not being able to live without me and I want to be able to feel that. I don't want just empty words.
But I'm only human, and I think deep down this is what everyone wants - to be needed, to have a purpose, to be loved.
Princess Kitaaa · Wed Aug 05, 2009 @ 01:56pm · 0 Comments |