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Locational Depression
Sorry for not journaling. My parents have been bitching about me using the Internet so I haven't had a chance to write this. I really don't know how much longer I can put up with them, especially with having to deal wih school. I am falling so so very deep into depression, and now I've started cutting again. I had went for most of the summer without doing it because I found stuff to occupy my time. But now it has gotten to the point where I can't stand to even be at home. Seriously, just stepping into my house depresses me. Back last school year I think I can say that was the reason I did so poorly, although it wasn't nearly as bad, but when I'm at home I'm just not motivated at all. Like seriously, when I'm at home, I don't eat much, and I don't sleep very much. I found out last month that I've lost a few pounds and shrunk half an inch over the past year. I'm still tall, but that shows how bad it has gotten at home. I've noticed the weight loss, as my chest has gotten a little bonier. So yeah...but then again, this could all be a reverse effect of me wanting to avoid my parents, which would also make sense. I'm just sick of being limited from being as unique as I want to be, and getting my tastes, styles, and opinions insulted constantly. So, um, yeah, on a lighter note, my birthday was kinda fun. Katy didn't show up at the pool but Trish and her mom came to the mall with me to see G-Force. Then, afterwards, I saw a girl almost get kidnapped. People have asked me why I didn't try to help, and it was because I was tired and because I was in shock. That doesn't sound like a very good excuse, but it's the truth. So anyway, I'm rushing to finish my summer reading lol. I had two extra books since I'm taking AP US history. But I'm confident that I can get them finished. I need to talk about something more serious though. First of all, I believe that one is in love when one can't stop thinking about a person that they've barely met. And I don't mean about wanting to have sex with them or anything like that, I mean like serious love. That is my case with Tahina. As far as I know she's starting at Boone next week, and although I love her I don't want to rush things. I think the reason why alot of my relationships haven't worked out is because I ask someone out too soon. So please, nobody try to go straight into hooking us up. I would like to take my time with this. Just don't mention anything to her about the way I feel. Remember, she doesn't know me that well yet either. I'm still gonna have to tell everyone since I have no idea how many people actually bothher to read this. It never says how many views these have. Oh well...I'll try to journal again on Monday about how the first day of school went. Good bye. smile
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