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....... hahahahaha....... bloooooooodddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!! so damn bored... its like the thursday after valentines day... im so ****** deppressed....... im poking myself in the ribs with a knife.... lol..poke..poke..poke... im starting to go insane... im going to go to irp in the morning... in school suspension is so **** gay..... oooo... st... i shouldnt be typing this as a journal entry... amanda will probably be like ohhhhhhh.... josh has a new journal entry... then shell read it and be all like.... hmmmmmm.... ill qoute my DEAR FREIND... and she knows who she is..lmao... amanda could get cough suicidal cough.... thats right.. you heard me... you know you said that... and ill hold it against your grave woman!!!!!!..... ouch.... damn i poked my hand and its bleeding..... hahahahahah.... bloooooooddddddddd!!!!!!!!!! yay.... i think this sounds kinda cough suicidal cough maybe it is... i dont know... not like any one else besides amanda reads this anyway... and she already knows my thoughts on this situation... o well.. so long....hmmmmmmm..... monday would be a good day... or... maybe..... next thursday.... yaaaa... ill get out of school and go hand myself to death......mmmmmm...... i dont want to stab myself..... no gun to use.... drowning might be fun.... or...... i could hang myself..... noooo..... ill set myself on fire and then hang myself... yes a worthy death for a formiddable fool... good bye amanda... good bye worries.... good bye...... you can all just kiss my a good bye rofl rofl rofl rofl**

Posted by: joshua the voice Fri Feb 17, 2006 @ 01:16am

we are left with no arms, caught in the power struggle.

estimated networth including inventory---- 650k

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dirkturkey
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Commented on: Fri Feb 17, 2006 @ 11:47pm


	NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!! JOSH....SERIOUSLY....THATS NOT FUNNY....PLEASE DONT....I WILL HAVE NOTHING ELSE TO LIVE FOR.....AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS??? THAT MEANS THAT I NEED TO DIE TOO.....i want to grow old and have kids with you....please...im begging you.....dont kill yourself.....nothing good will come out of it.....things wont get any better for anyone if your gone and if your here, things will at least have a chance to get better......let me help with something........do you even care how i would feel if i never saw you again??? thats sad...you probably dont.....all you want to do is get away from your dad and whoever else is in your family......DAMMIT!!!!!! I WISH YOUR DAD WOULD LET ME TALK TO YOU RIGHT NOW....but noooooooo, he has to go and be a ****** deusch and say "nope you cant talk to him because hes in trouble".....my mom would let you stay here to get away from your family.....if she knew the whole story of why you needed to leave.....trust me....she would let you.....i know her better than most people.....just please dont kill yourself.....thats a very foolish mistake.....at least let all that i have said sink in.....im not about to let another one die just because they think suicide is allright.....but last year, it was my friend, kris.....and i still dont know if he commited suicide or died from a seizure.....no one ever told me.....but i loved him very much and i cried for a long time after he was gone.....i dont want to go through that again......but please dont......even if you think it will help you somehow......everyone has problems in their lives.....and things WILL get better.....you have to trust me on this......you say you love me.....this is an EXTREMELY good way to prove it.....PLEASE DONT.....I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART......AND ALL I WANT IS FOR US TO BE HAPPY......there is no way that will ever happen if you are gone........ heart i love you heart**

Commented on: Sun Feb 19, 2006 @ 03:12am


	awwwwww......isnt that sweet... im speechless.... o well.... today is ummmmm.... saterday...1..2..3...4...5... ya five....poor kris...i pitty him... but thats not my problem..... honestly i dont care... ill give you a choice i leave ohio or i die... wich one... you choose... either way i get a happy ending... im not going to live with my family until im 18... and im sure as hell not going sit around and let my time run out.... besides we all die... id rather know when i die then live wondering when.....im no longer the person you knew.... i hope you can relize that.... so either you accept the change or you dont... id let you know this to your face but the truth is i do love you... i love you to no end but i just cant stand life any more... and if i tell you this to your face youd cry... and i couldnt stand that.... it will kill me inside... i cant stand to see you get hurt... but i have to do what i have to do.... im sorry but im not budging any more... isnt that pathetic... a world of people and only one would mourn my death.... thats actually quite funny.....dont you see amanda.... this is what it takes to for me to be happy..... ive found the happiness in my life.... you are that happiness.... but nothing lasts forever... i couldnt stand losing you.. st happens..... a car accident.... a bomb.... a simple trip down some stairs... and your gone.... ive come to relize that....and what if i do what my biological father did... being to much of a little b*h to take care of his own kid.. what if i got you pregnant... and i left.... like that my life would be ruined.... and so would yours....or perhaps i became voilent one night and decide to strike you.....or a simple arguement????? id rather have one of us die happy than both of us die patheticly!!!!!!!!!!

joshua the voice
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dirkturkey
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Commented on: Sun Feb 19, 2006 @ 02:53pm


	i choose that you leave ohio....but please let me come with you.....i cant bear being apart....i can accept that you changed ok?....but you being different doesnt change much.....i still want to be with you.....please.....i beg of you.....dont leave me here alone.....do you honestly think you will end up like your dad? thats sad....but i could live with being a single mom.....i think....but what would be the reason for you to leave?.....afterall, it could ruin both of us.....come to live with me.....it will be helpfull....get me pregnant....i dont care....strike me....well, i would care about that.....but dont leave....or, just leave ohio....but i need to come with you.....i dont care about anything else anymore.....you are the only thing in my life now....and without you, what would i have?....a bowl and some fish to go in it?....thats about it....i dont care about my family, i dont care about my friends, i dont care about wealth, i dont care about well....much of anything.....if i am the happiness in your life, then make me happy....stay with me....i dont care if we have to leave ohio.....ive always hated this place anyways.....just let us always be together.....and some things do last forever....we could be one of those things.....why?.....why do you feel you must leave me?.....

Commented on: Tue Feb 21, 2006 @ 03:53am


	..... wow... i really said that????? sweet.... i dont care..... and no im not high right now... i just ****** hate myself and everything around me.... amanda what do you see in me???? honestly... do you really thinkn that you are that hopeless that if i left you you couldnt move on??? thats pretty sad... ill tell you what if you can get 16 people to post their reasons for me not to kill myself than i might reconsider... i might have been **** up during the night i started this.... but i do intend to finish it..... besides.... if i kill myself than you could join me right.. then we could burn in the pits of hell forever... together.... think about it......besides i have no freinds and no real family.. i only have you.. and my HABITS to live for... and i can take you both to the grave with me cant i???? so why shouldnt i.... i should.. and if you cant get those people to explain to me the signifacanse of living.. and you still stand in my way i will 4laugh 4laugh 4laugh** so have a nice day

joshua the voice
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Amy loves Lea
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Commented on: Tue Feb 21, 2006 @ 09:05pm


	umm.....I read your journal..............

Commented on: Wed Feb 22, 2006 @ 11:59pm


	dude wtf is ur problem!! eek

darknesscheif_666
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ecitsuj_cimrak
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Commented on: Thu Feb 23, 2006 @ 01:20am


	umm... ok... and the point of all this is what now? killing yourself will not get you any more recognition... just prove how stupid you are for taking the easy way out.

Commented on: Thu Feb 23, 2006 @ 02:07am


	All righty, bub. Let me just say that you're being outright ridiculous. From what I've read out of care and concern for you and the girl that seems to love and care for you so much, you're feeling as if life isn't worth living for anymore, correct? And yes, I realize I'm a stranger and this might sound odd coming from one, but I do care. Life isn't always supposed to be happy, whether you're willing to accept that or not. Bad things happen so that there's room for the good as well; everything equals out. If not stay alive for someone who would do absolutely anything to make sure you're the happiest you could ever possibly be, then why not stay alive for, oh yes, yourself? Life is what you make it. If you want to see it as a s**t hole, that's fine, but why just end it now and never see how beautiful it can really be? Rawr. That's my reason. XD I didn't mean to sound preachy, so please don't think of it as such. I just want you to be okay, that's all. I wish for the absolute best for you two - never give up! ~[ Fool. ]

[ Fool. ]
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Shattered`Sil`iluuth
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Commented on: Thu Feb 23, 2006 @ 02:09am


	Why kill your self to live in hell? Hell sucks it's hot people poke you.............besides.............they don't serve Ice anymore........ To live is to die but to die is like liveing alone and uncared for. Live your life to teh fullest don't waste it on a knife....waste it on someone who loves you....... whee

Commented on: Thu Feb 23, 2006 @ 02:22am


	slaps what the hell are you thinking idiot? killing yourself...its a selfish, and sad way to die... dude....you need to totally stop thinking about that..and be happy with the life you have

memoriasperdidas
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Ms.Hack
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Commented on: Thu Feb 23, 2006 @ 02:24am


	Hey i've thought about it before but then I thought I wouldn't be punishing my stepdad or the people with as much as I would be punishing my self and sending myself to death when I could be here and eventually get out of this hell hole itself. So take it easy and hold it out cuz if I have to then I say you should have to. mrgreen Kay? Kay. Plus suicide ain't that pretty its ewww lets just say it ain't pretty at all. Yuck...

Commented on: Thu Feb 23, 2006 @ 04:01am


	.............. people do care about others???.... about me???? why do you waste your time on one man... when in my undoing so many could be happy????? you complete strangers... actually act like you know how bad i have it.... and yet as i sit and cry listening to the sounds of my sister screaming and my fathers insolent talks to me about the value that school has.... millions of others could be dieing... you act like you care about me... you act like you know what im going through... all of you say these things to me not out of love... but out of pitty..... because one man tried to change his destiny you simply confronted him... how could you do something so brave..... dont you all know were going to die in the end any way.... if i were to die murdered in cold blood... would any of you cry for me.... would any of you care if i did die..... i doubt it... and now i sit here at 10:50 saying these things as i feel no compassion towards any one any more.... not myself..not amanda.. not my freinds... i am a wasteful existance.. and yet you waste time on me????.. the people i know i love are now the people i think i love... i dont understand it.. why????

joshua the voice
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wasted_redemption
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Commented on: Thu Feb 23, 2006 @ 08:20pm


	josh of course we care. your like my counts third best friend and by far my coolest (sorry allie and amanda). you know when and what to say to make me feel better. if you kill your self it would resolve in more than just your death. it would be mine and amanda and i think allie loves you that much. and so do i. so DON'T!!! plz...... and if that isn't enough then fine do it. i heart ewe... potonically. k? plz... you can't base your life on your dad. your only like 15 and you have a lot longer to live. and only three years to keep living with your dad. and i could find someone for you to live with. you could live with my brother or my sister but she lives in south end. my grandparents would even let you. if not i could find someone. f**k live with amanda. or my sisters ex he would let you. plz.

Commented on: Thu Feb 23, 2006 @ 08:33pm


	dude i know i'm like totally thinking suicidal things all the time but u have no reason to... well for amanda's sake don't do it and the fact that just u know u at school, even though i don't see you, makes it funny

dark_gale
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oblivian soilder
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Commented on: Thu Feb 23, 2006 @ 10:58pm


	Yo josh my niggy your journal is almsot as violent as my thought right now lol im plannin my plan lol but seriously dont have suicidal thoguht and s**t like me becasue u have to help me with me plan biznitch so peace.

Commented on: Fri Feb 24, 2006 @ 12:03am


	im working on getting to 16 josh....its hard but im halfway there....just please dont do anything until then.....and when i get to 16, promise that you will reconsider this....dont kill yourself...i love you and i cant stand seeing you like this..... gonk

dirkturkey
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[ Fool. ]
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Commented on: Fri Feb 24, 2006 @ 12:15am


	Pity? You think the reason so many are posting here is because they pity you? Maybe so, but at least I know that isn't the case for me. I came here due to the fact that someone was begging for help for someone very dear to her, and I couldn't just let you kill yourself because you feel as if your life is worthless. I'll admit that right now I'm pretty upset with you, yes, you, a complete and utter stranger to me. You can't see it, can you? Depression doesn't last forever. Things do change. You're making me very angry, sir. D= Your family? They're making your life a miserable hell, right? I've gotten this from so many of my friends lately, and although I don't understand it all too well myself, I have somewhat of an idea. You don't have to live with your family forever; Look how many options you have! You could move out and move on. You have friends that care so much for you along with who I'm guessing to be your girlfriend, and I'm sure they'd most definitely be willing to help you as well. And if your home life is so horrid, you always have the ability to call someone who can move you to a new family. You don't have to stay. No one's making you. Augh, my post got cut in half because of the character limit. Check down one for the second half!

Commented on: Fri Feb 24, 2006 @ 12:18am


	You're correct in saying that I don't know you personally so I can have absolutely no idea of what you're going through, but look at the others posting here! Your friends, your loved ones! They know you, and they're begging for a chance to be let in and help you. They love you, if you haven't already figured it out. Drill this one into your brain - THEY. LOVE. YOU. Why are you being so incredibly selfish? Why? Yes, things can be extremely painful and you can get so tired of life that you don't want to deal with it anymore, but what do you really think happens afterwards? What if nothing does? Why would you want to leap into the pitts of hell if you know that there's always the possibility of one of your loved ones jumping after you? You'd make them suffer? Why? Why does this to them and yourself? You have a chance at healing. Why not take it? And if you're going to say that I'm foolish for "wasting" more of my time on writing such things to you, then go right on ahead. It won't bother me because, heh, I do enjoy being called a fool after all. ^ ^ (Yes, I am quite odd!)

[ Fool. ]
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Eeyore202
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Commented on: Fri Feb 24, 2006 @ 02:53am


	Dude I don't know you all that well, but it looks like this girl really loves you and you really love her. If you die then she will hae nothing to live for, she will be empty inside, she will be soulless. if you kill your self, her life will no longer be worth living and just think about how the people who really do care about you will feel. it may seem like life is going no where trust me I have been there, but you have something going for you You have love, which not many people have. Live life if for nothing else but for her, and the knowing that you are making her happy by you being there for her when she needs you, you are her sholder to cry on, as her to you. Please dude keep living know that you are making your love happy know that she has you, knowing that life is worth liveing with you around I hope you take my advise and live life for her! peace

Commented on: Mon Feb 27, 2006 @ 12:22am


	Life is pointless, but so is death. I mean really why are we all here? Now in my most depressed times I try to look at life like this. You are lucky because no matter how bad your life gets you were born. There are billoins of non-born people out there and you were lucky enough to be born. I mean the chance of you being born isn't good. Think of all the people not born AND YOU WERE! You were lucky enough to come at the exact time you did otherwise you wouldn't of been created. I am pretty sure you know that I am athest but I do know there is some sort of plan for you. Cuz some how there is a plan for me. Everything will end up okay so don't kill yourself no matter how bad it gets. And remember there are tons of people that would talk to you then you feel bad. I am one of the many out there. Josh people care about you so don't end your life. It will only be bad for a little while.

Amy loves Lea
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wasted_redemption
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Commented on: Mon Feb 27, 2006 @ 11:07pm


	allie that is bullshit. u know what josh kill yourself i dont care anymore. i'm sick of trying to keep people alive. if you were really going to kill yourself you would have already nothing we say will stop u. that just goes to show how serious you really are.

Commented on: Tue Feb 28, 2006 @ 01:21am


	dammit amelia...keep your comments to yourself...dont TRY to get him to do this...thats the bullshit here...i mean im tired of trying to keep people alive to but i love them and its the right thing to do...try to understand here...

dirkturkey
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dark_gale
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Commented on: Tue Feb 28, 2006 @ 08:28pm


	well amanda amelia does have a slight point but that is the overall and for a friend of course we don't want josh to die cuz even i would be sad and that takes alot to make me sad

Commented on: Wed Mar 01, 2006 @ 10:31pm


	i give up.

wasted_redemption
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joshua the voice
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Commented on: Fri Mar 03, 2006 @ 02:46am


	listen guys... im sorry.... i dont deserve your kindness... its pretty sad when even complete strangers needed to help me relize that i am really loved... you guys are like the family i will never have....and amanda.... you are the woman i want to spend the rest of my life with... thats why i broke up with you.... because i didnt want to hurt you... i wasnt in school yesterday because i really tried to kill myself... i went to the hospital and found out that my mom might die.... and then i just snapped..... i went with will up to michigan... and we ended up in lincoln park... we went to his girls house... and we got wasted.... then.. i went to my ex's house... i made out with her for like an hour and then smoked... we got home and when i went home my dad wasnt home.... i got the idea that i was useless and i fell to the floor in his room... then i saw his gun under his bed.... i grabbed it and held it to my forehead.... i pulled the trigger but no bullets came out.... i was so lucky that nothing came out because it made me realize how much i have to live for... so i came to school today... and saw you abusing yourself... that was when i relized what i had really done... in trying to punish the ones i hate i punished the only person i love.... thats why i told you that i was sorry... because i really do love you.... and i wish i could express how much i did... thats why i asked for you forgiveness..... you told me that someday you might get over it... so now im the one that is asking you to take me back... please i know i dont deserve it but please take me back.. i love you... and i want to grow old and have kids with you... nothing at all would make me happier...

Commented on: Sun Mar 12, 2006 @ 03:49am


	wooooow... its weird, because now that i read one of your entries, you seem.... human!... cuz you just dont look like you have feelings or anything... and yeah ME TOO!! i was so depressed on valentines day... not cuz other ppl are together and dating or in "love" but theres some stuff going on with one of my friends and me...so yeah... i ate a HUGE box of chocolate because i was depressed and when i am... i eat alot (but its no different anyother day haha)... and it says that chocolate has a chem that makes you feel better. oh, and you poked yourself in the ribs with a knife? hehe... weirdo... well actually i've done that before... and on someone else too... so i ran away and they were left bleeding... they went to the hospital... oh well.. i dont care about him anyway. so yeah... now i know that you can feel emotion other than horniness, then its all weird... and human of you...

xTears_of_Vermilionx
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[Demona]
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Commented on: Sun Jan 21, 2007 @ 08:41am


	Well, I only met you just today, and it seems like she loves you. Don't kill yourself. For the sake of you, and your lovers. Don't. You seem like a semi-nice person. There is so much I want to say, yet I cannot type it all. Just if you need some advice from a person that went trough all of this and more, come to me. I will try to help you as much as possible! Good luck in your jurney through life.

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